Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas with Family...

Well we had a very blessed and wonderful day this Christmas.  Started the day at 7am, the kids woke us up of course.  Opened presents, they played with all their goodies.  One thing about this is I can say we were blessed this year to be able to afford to do it all on our own.  The last few years, we've needed help from other organizations.  And the fact that we were able to get the kids things they truly did want, I am happy.  I know its not about receiving and my children understand this.  Considering they usually get very minimal anyways.  Just the joy on their faces when they got the big thing they have been asking for all year!

Afterward, I did the unthinkable.....I cooked breakfast!  Haha.  If anyone knows me or the dynamics of my family.  I usually am not the cook for the family.  My husband does the majority of the cooking in our house.  So I cooked the family some cinnamon pancakes, eggs and bacon.  I even managed to get my oldest son to set the table for us all to eat at the table.  It was really nice and I could tell the kids appreciated it.  I think thats something we need to work on in general.  Eating around the table more.  Usually its the kids at the table and us in the living room (well the rooms are open to each other).  I think thats definitely something we'll work on doing more with this new year.  Another good thing is the family loved my breakfast.  I did eat some.  Yes, I managed to eat half of a pancake, one strip of bacon and a small portion of eggs.  Still not measuring.  I admit, I'm giving myself until the end of the year to start anew.

Next stop was my mama's house!  Hubby wanted to lay down after breakfast.....and managed to for about an hour.  While the rest of us were cleaning up and getting ready.  But we all made it out of the house.  It was o nice.  The fact is, this year there have been a lot of family issues!  Some including my sister having problems with drugs, having her children taken from the state and given to my mother.  Not seeing my oldest nephew now that he's hit the big 18 years old and then finding out he's having a baby.  Then my brother and his family moving to the Houston area.  So with all the family things happening this year, I am happy to say that somehow we were blessed to have everyone there.  And it was really nice.  No arguing.  Just love.  I had gifts for all the niece's and nephew's.  They opened their gifts.  I'm glad I was able to do for them as well. 

So after all, Christmas this year was a good ending to a bad year.  I thank you God for giving me this reminder that I am blessed to have my family in all of these other pitfalls of life this past year.  I truly appreciate my family and love them with all of my heart!  I am so happy I had yesterday with them!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Measure, measure, measure!

Bad beginning of the week.  Monday I went in to True Results, thinking I'd get another fill but truth is, I really didn't need one.  I'm probably at my green zone, at least thats the impression I left the nurse with.  Enough for her to say no fill.  I was screaming in my head, why?  Mainly because I know my insurance changes effective 1/1/2011, meaning a VERY high deductible to meet for the year and everything for the visits next year coming out of my pocket to meet it under a Health Savings Account plan.  Just ugly.

So here's what I was met with...I need to start measuring my food.  I admit, I've been "eye"ing it.  Thinking I could tell by sight.  As well as thinking that my stomach would tell me once its full.  WRONG!  I know thats wrong.  Fact is, I haven't been measuring since I got this thing.  I was depending on this band to do it all.  But fact remains, I can still eat breads, rice, cereals....basically whatever with very little problem.  The only good thing about the band is it has kept me off soda's for the past year.  Which is probably where I lost most of my weight.  But now I'm relying primarily on juice, tea, coffee.  Still not getting enough water in.  Still not exercising.  Just not following the rules of the lap band.

Here are the 10 Rules of the Lapband:

  1. Eat only three small meals a day
  2. Eat slowly and chew thoroughly (15-20 times a bite)
  3. Stop eating as soon as you feel full
  4. Do not drink while you are eating
  5. Do not eat between meals
  6. Eat only good quality food
  7. Avoid fibrous food
  8. Drink enough fluids during the day
  9. Drink only low-calorie fluids  
  10. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day 
So lets see...#1...broken, I eat maybe 1-2 times per day.  I always seem to skip breakfast because I'm not hungry.  And thats just been a habit since before the lap band.  #2...still have the bad habit of eating fast, thats when I end up having a stuck episode.  Just something I really need to re-focus on.  #3...yeah, broke that one too, plenty of times.  Its this thing in my head that says, just one more bite because of the taste or that damn "clear your plate" mentality.  #4...I'm good on this one, never do.  #5...its been hard lately with the holidays, but truth is, I need to learn to fight the temptation.  I need to prove I have more will power over this.  #6...yeah, not sure I've done this very well.  I admit I still have moments of going out to eat fast food, just not in the amounts I used to.  But I know if I finally kill this habit, it would make a huge difference!  #7...I'm sure I do avoid fibrous food.  Haha.  #8...This has been the hardest, drinking tons of water through out the day.  I have tried so hard to get this good habit in motion.  #9...broken, tons of times with cran-apple juice.  Which I know is not 100% juice, its just sugars but its so good!  Sugar is bad...I know.  #10...never do.

So seeing all this, I know I need to become familiar once again with the basic rules of the lap band.  Oh and measure EVERYTHING!  I know I'm not suppose to be eating more than a cup of food at one meal.  And I know "eye"ing it is definitely allowing me to overeat.  Which in turn, is defeating the purpose of this all.

Too bad they couldn't do something to switch off the stuff in our brain thats really causing all this.  Its so hard to change bad habits.

But after that visit on Monday and leaving crying......yes, crying.  I had no choice but to admit it is ME that is sabotaging myself.  Yes, a lot of bad things have happened this year.  But I can start with 2010 ending, I'm throwing the old out and getting myself back in motion to losing the rest of this 100 lbs.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Long Time No See

Well its been awhile since I've posted.  Just so much happening in life.  I guess I really didn't feel like saying much on here.  I know I haven't been doing well with the weight loss thing.  Disappointing since my one year anniversary since the surgery came and went...and well I'm only at about a 30 pound weight loss.

Majority of the setbacks is myself.  And dealing with that fact hasn't been realize.  Considering I tend to beat myself up more than someone else would.  I did start getting fills done again in August.  I did two, but they were like baby ones because the nurse was afraid of how my stomach would act since it had been 5 months prior.  Truth is, I think the lack of fills is what also helped in stopping my progress.  I'm still not at my "green spot", but I'm almost there.  I had a new fill done the week of Thanksgiving and since then, its been working a lot better.

When I went back that day in November...she said I had gained 3 pounds between August & November.  But since getting the fill, I've lost the 3 pounds.  I'm going back for another fill this month...and hopefully this gets me to the "green" zone, then add in actual exercise and I should be on a kick start for getting to ONEDERLAND.  Whats that?  Getting my weight down to 100's.  I'm almost there...and I can't wait!

I also turned 30 this month.  Celebrated with bowling with a few friends.  Yet it was a depressing moment, I heard of Birthday Depression and I had just that.  Year 30 is a marker.  And most of the depression came from feeling lonely.  Lonely not in my relationship with my husband but not having female friends.  That best friend thing.  I hate that I have that...but I'm getting better about that feeling.  Overall, I know that I have a few great friends that always seem to come through.  Thats what counts.  That saying about you can only count your real number of friends on you hand, TRUE!  But I do have to say, it does appear the weight loss has helped.  I noticed in this picture of me bowling that I do look thinner than before.  Crazy!  I guess like hubby said, I have that "fat girl" mentality.  I wonder if that will ever go away.  Hmmm...

But thats a whole other here I go again on the re-start/revamp of my weight loss journey.  Along with all the other things going on in life!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Much Better Week

I'm doing better lately.  Basically not letting the job, the financial and other things stress me out.  As for the loss of the baby, well I'm not tearing up as much and just doing better when it comes to talking about the miscarriage.  It has made us think about having kids in the future and we've both decided, we are for sure done.  We have in total 4 wonderful kiddos.  Thats enough for us, it would have been a blessing to have another one and we were excited but it happened this way for a reason.

Outside of that, I've gone to 2 therapy sessions and its definitely helping.  I guess just being able to talk to someone.  It seems like I'm so cut off from the world right now.  I have a sister who is so messed up on drugs, dealing with CPS taking her kids away.  My brother and his family are in Houston.  I have very few friends that I rarely see.  It just seems like I have no outlet anymore.  No one to turn to, to just vent about things in my life.

Then we took my youngest to his 18-month old well check and on top of him wearing glasses at this age.  Now I need to take him for a hearing test and start speech therapy.  He's falling behind.  It don't help that I had to take an Autism questionnaire and it appears the doctor is concerned.  He's been having issues with eating.  We recently finally got him off baby food and trying our solid food.  But even then, its been hard.  He finally trying to eat finger foods like popcorn, chicken nuggets, etc.  But he's not eating on his own with a spoon or fork, not eating spaghetti or something.  Its just hard since I've never gone through this.  And then having access to the internet and reading the symptoms of potential autism....and the fact that he fits into some of them, its really scary.  The unknown!  Uggh!

But we'll get through this, like everything else.  Weighed myself this week and down to 215 lbs.  Not sure how I lost 3lbs......oh stress I guess.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Uggh...The Headache that never dies!

So I'm feeling better, at least emotionally.  Not as depressed feeling, but it appears I still am.  I seem to only get tearful when I talk about the miscarriage in-depth with people.  I've actually been feeling like my ol' goofy self.  Which is strange to me.  Not sure why.  But then, we have all these other stresses going on at home.  We don't have any more checks coming from David since he's off from school for the summer.  His next check won't come until September.  Which kind of sucks.  I know if we didn't have all these other money things going on before, we could have better prepared.

So since feeling better, I've managed to catch a tension headache.  It won't leave!  It makes me want to scream.  Its like wrapping around the back of my head.  Its crazy feeling like this.  Maybe because I'm not getting all depressed my body is now acting out physically.  Crazy!

In the meantime, I've been working really hard at work.  I'm going to do my best not to let the job get to me anymore.  I know I took on the position given to me, but I also know and have explained to my manager...and they are aware.  I am the only one doing it, and its basically too much work for just one person.  So even though they want this really short turn around time, its going to be hard for me to meet considering I am 3 weeks behind!  And I don't have anyone helping me get caught up.

Monday, I was suppose to go to True Results for my lapband.  But I know I don't have money for that visit or even paying on my balance right now.  So I'm going to reschedule until later.  Truth is, I know I need to get a barium swallow and I don't want to waste a visit just to be told their not doing a fill because they want a barium swallow.  Fact is, I want a barium swallow.  Its been almost 5 months since my last fill and I am eating more and 8 months since my surgery.  I need one.  I think once I get that back in order, I'll feel a little better on that side of life.  Sucks to know that in the past 8 months, I've only lost a total of 30 pounds.  It should be more but with life happening, its slowed down the progress and even I have sabotaged myself.

By the way, weighed myself this morning....218.  I'm losing weight again, but I know I'm still eating more than I should.  Oh and I had my first therapist appointment last Monday, it went well.  Maybe thats why I feel a little better.  I go back this Monday, lets see what happens!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Very challenging moment in my life...

So I've realized since having the miscarriage last week, not only have I started to lose the weight I was gaining.  But with the loss of pregnancy hormones and all my current stresses at work and home.  I'm going crazy.  Okay, maybe not totally crazy but I've been very tearful, feeling sad and blue, then irritated and angry the next moment.  I feel bad for my husband and my kids.  I'm just taking it out on them so much.  I realized early on its the mix of postpartum depression, along with grief and loss.  And all the other crap I've been dealing with for the past 4 months.  For me to think of things and wish it would just go away...and go to bed as soon as I get home, equals not good.  I'm a Sag, we're naturally happy, optimistic people and I just can't find that light right now.  I've been praying to God and even that isn't working for me.  Not that I have no faith in him to pull me through this but its almost like a physical reaction in my brain that is not allowing me to move forward and onto more positive things.

Its just sad, I feel like crying everyday when I get home from work.  So I know its time to talk to someone.  I have my first appointment with a counselor/therapist tomorrow on the 5th.  We'll see how that goes and if I need some kind of medications like Lexapro to help for the time.  I'm pretty aware of what the process is since I went through this about 5 years ago.  Strangely.  So hopefully this is the answers to my prayers and things begin to go in a better direction.  Its been a hard few months...and I'm ready to feel relaxed, drama free and back to normal life again.

Outside of that, I haven't started exercising officially yet.  Mainly because I'm still finishing off the miscarriage situation.  And its known that if you do heavy, stringent will continue to bleed instead of it stopping.  Plus actually since the passing occurred, I seem to have my energy and I've been cleaning the hell out of my house and finishing unpacking.  Which has been exercise in itself.

I weighed myself yesterday and I'm at 219, down 1 pound.  So I'm happy for that small success to getting back on track with my weight loss.  I'll wait until I go for my follow up doctor appointment with the OB/Gyn to see that everything is okay to begin doing real exercise.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

New Start from the 4 month MIA!

It sucks for me to say that I've totally let go of any thoughts of being on the mission of losing weight.  In the past 4 months, I've been dealing with so much.  Its been hard too.  I'm not used to so much drama and who knows what else is coming up but I need to get my life back on track.

First it was the wedding in March, then our lease ending in our apartment and moving in with the parents.  The wedding turned out great, but then so disappointing.  Certain people that I thought were important in my life, I found out didn't find me as important.  Then finding out my parents were not paying their bills, which meant we all had to find a new place to live asap.  Then throw in some car pull over's for speeding, etc.  Really?  I swear I was pulled over in the same neighborhood, at least 3 times in a month.  Then David's step-father passed away.  Shortly after that, I get the news I can get fills again on my lapband.  However, I find out I'm pregnant.  All while working, handling the kids and trying to find a new place to live and pay off our old bills to move.  Ugggh!  Finally, we get a new apartment but were not able to move into it until mid-May.  Got to that point, then I find out at the doctor's that this pregnancy is not a viable pregnancy.  Such sad news.  I've never had a miscarriage in my life.  So I waited and waited until it came on itself instead of doing a D&C.  And that finally occurred this past week.  Very painful experience.  Not just emotionally but physically.

Now with that.........and even a few things finally settling down, I'm going to focus and get back on my mission of losing 100lbs by November 17th.  I did gain back some weight during this ordeal.  So as of now, about 7 lbs.  I probably have to do a barium swallow to make sure my band and everything is in place, and *crosses fingers* it is....and I can get another fill and start working out again.  I'm just so ready to get this weight off.  And re-focus all this negative stuff back into positive things.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Back on again & its Weigh In Day...

I didn't do a pic last week but here's my weigh in for today.  And I finally dropped the last 2lbs I gained back.  Plus I had my period! Go me, amazing how having that can help you lose weight.  Haha.  And I've been making sure to eat my oatmeal and have breakfast in the morning.  I really think that has helped a lot.  Also, I'm drinking more water!  Go me!  My job has a cafeteria and meal deal thing, so I made sure to buy the card that just got meals with no drinks.  So now I have no choice but to drink water.  Haha.

In the meantime, I've been really stressed.  We have our wedding coming up VERY soon, a month away now.  And all the planning is getting done last minute of course!  Then add in moving around that time as well.  So yeah, its going to be real crazy here.  Hopefully in the meantime, my weight keeps dropping.

Thats it for now people...oh and I got a hair cut!  I'll post pics soon.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Alright, I'm back! Had a bad week but turning it around this week!

So I didn't post my weigh in for Saturday on here, not as a blog entry itself.  But I did add the update to the side.  Either way though, I've been avoiding the mention of how bad I did last week.  Lets just say with the start of Super Bowl and the fact that the Saints won!  I was enjoying myself with lots of not so great food.  I did a lot of grazing, that includes Super Bowl Sunday....and the week following.  We had a luncheon at work and it left lots of sweets, breads and goodies to last for the week.  And yes, my fat self was sneaking it back to my desk.  So disappointing.  And you know what, my stomach was really upset.  I should have known then.

So the weigh in for Saturday was 218, ugggghhh!  Yes, I managed to gain back 3lbs.  I wish I could say it was water retention.  Who knows?  A mix of eating bad, not exercising and the possibility of my period coming (aka water retention and bloating).  But my period never came.  This damn IUD sucks!  By the way, I'm in the works of getting that taken out and getting fixed.  No more babies for me!

So outside of that, I started over this week as of Monday on eating better.  Including drinking water.  I had two glasses of water yesterday, that good for me. LOL.  Plus it was like my body was craving it.  As for today, only 1 cup.  But tomorrow I'm going to work on it and drink more.  Thats my goal this week, more water and exercise.  Actually use my EA Active that I wanted so bad.  So I got on it tonight for 30 minutes.  I restarted the 30-day program and it wasn't as bad as the first time.

Its looking up and I'm going to try and stay off the damn hard!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Another Weigh In Day & A Busy Weekend!

So its weigh in day again...proud to say I'm managed to get down 2 lbs this week.  Making me at 215lbs!  Whoop whoop!  I went for my 3rd fill this past Thursday and it must be doing the trick.  I admit, I can fill the restriction more with these past two fills.  So the band is really working for me now. 

Last night we had our two youngest kiddos Birthday Party at Chuck E Cheese.  Wooooooooo!  The night flew by so fast.  But the kids had a fun time.  And so did my family on me.  I don't think they expected us to pay for all of them, adults included but we covered them and it was nice.  Even my brother said thank you.  Which is rare...he don't do that.  LOL.  I got tons of pics.  Then D's cousins and mom came into town last night.  They tried to make it for the party but were a bit late so we visited them at our house.  It was really nice to see them.  His cousins are scared of my big giant cats.  Haha.  They thought Romeo (the youngest and 15lb cat) was like a tiger.  I just died laughing.  Altogether, last night was a good night.

Then there's today, going to drive to Dallas for my cousin's baby shower.  Now mind you, this is a cousin I've never met.  Just so happens to be my mom's sister on her dad's side that she has never met.  Its a very exciting moment for all of us.  And I want to make sure this happens for my mama, she deserves that.  I love her!  So we're off to do that today.  Thinking of it, I really need to get off to shower and get dressed.  Plus I need to clean my car out.  LOL.

Oh and tomorrow is Super Bowl!  Who Dat! Yes, I'm a Saints fan and I'm going for the Saints baby!  So a busy fun weekend still ahead.......  :o)

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Weigh Day! Exercise & Other Life Updates!

So its weigh in day again....I'm down 1 pound at 217 lbs.  Whoop Whoop! Doing well.  I think I've hit my goal for my Shape Up or Get Out weight loss group...I believe I put 6 pounds down for the month of January.  And I came close...4lbs.  Next time month will be better!

Outside of that, I got my EA Active for Wii thanks to my hubby!  He had a credit with his Game Stop account and paid the difference to get the game for me.  Good Lord!  That thing really does work you out, its so has a personal weight trainer, a calender, a journal.  Everything to keep you accountable.  So right now I'm doing the 30-day program on it.  It has different intensity levels and I put it on the lowest cause my fat ass can't handle more.  I knew it and I was right.  I woke up yesterday sore as hell!  I needed water in the middle of it.  It had me running in place and I couldn't handle that. Haha.  My legs, thighs, butt checks and middle of my back are sore.  But I'm going to move forward with working out.  D gave me a massage last night and it helped.  But I was feeling real bad last night...not sure if it was my Cedar Fever (allergies) or actually getting sick on top of sore muscles from my work outs.

As for other updates, D and I have decided we're getting married in March on our 3rd Anniversary date.  I'm so happy!  After going back and forth on how to do it and if we should wait, and it being mainly my decision because to him, he said he will marry me whenever.  I decided lets just do it.  Nothing big or fancy, mainly because we don't have the extra money like that right now.  But we'll be going to the Justice of the Peace and doing it, hopefully dinner afterward with family.  I guess the next big decision is if I should hyphenate my name or use his last name only.  In the meantime, I signed us up for an 8-hour marriage class in February.  So fun!  Haha.

Thats about it...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

So Proud of Myself...

So today, I have been feeling really really crappy.  Mainly due to my allergies and asthma.  I had to take my inhaler and a breathing treatment last night.  On top of my allergy meds & nasal spray.  Woke up with a terrible sinus headache and going into work with all my co-workers saying, "Are you okay?  You look bad?".  Nicceee.  Then add in that I think I have a bladder infection starting.  Thats what I get for not drinking water lately.  Then I noticed even with normal drinks, like tea, coffee, pink lemonade....I'm not drinking all of those drinks when I have them.  I never finish it off or it takes me forever.  In fact, I've been using my kids small cup to drink out of at dinner.  I'm not sure whats going on.  But I gotta get this bladder infection thing under control before I have to go to the doctor, so lots of water and Azo pills.  Might have to go get me some cranberry juice this weekend too.

Outside of that...took some new pics, its been a whole month since the last photos of me.  I can tell a small difference.  I'm basically at 218lbs and they were taken today!


Don't mind the  I can sort of tell the least when I put on the shorts this time, very loose.
Oh and the proud moment of the day, I have officially started working out this week.  I'm in the Shape Up or Get Out group on BabyCenter.  We're doing a Biggest Loser team thing.  I'm on BLUE team! Go Blue!  And this week's challenge was to exercise a total of 2 hours.  So far, I've been using my Wii games...and I've done an hour and a half.  Go me!  It also let me know how out of shape I am...haha.  My legs are weak!  And I thought I was going to die (had to grab my inhaler) and yes, I did it while still feeling crappy from the allergy stuff.  I love this Biggest Loser challenges, its making me work out and keeping me accountable to my partner.  I don't want to make her lose.  :)

So thats the good news!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Its Weigh In Day Again & other BAD fun, Whoop Whoop!

And I'm proud to say I have officially dropped down to **drum roll** 218 lbs.  So exciting, that means I'm not that far from Onderland (fyi, thats the 100's) Haha.  And I can officially say that I'm wearing a size 18, as of this week, I switched out from wearing my size 20 to the size 18 work pants or slacks...and they fit very comfy, even on my tummy which seems to be the last place losing the weight.  So it seems the trend for me losing inches is first in my legs, thighs and ass.....then the stomach.  So hopefully by March, I'll be in a size 16.  Which now makes me think about asking my neice for the brand new size 16 jeans I gave her out of my closet back in August...back.  I only think of that because she's lost weight too and definitely doesn't fit into them.  Or since income tax is coming, I may just go buy brand new ones anyways.

Its so exciting to see results and I've come to realize the reason for the 1 pound gain that week was due to water retention and being on my cycle which may happen again, so I'm going to do my best not to let it get to me.  Outside of it, I can say this past week I have done better on my water intake and since getting my 2nd fill...I'm doing better on not eating as much.

Last night I went out with some old friends, it was my friend Laura's 30th Birthday...and we had a blast.  We went to eat at this restaurant called Trudy's, it was pretty good and of course to have drinks.  I had a Sangria Margarita (I think thats what it was called, haha), I don't drink I only maybe drank about 1/4 of the glass and was a bit tipsy, gave the rest to my friend Christina.  We ordered a sampler appetizer and I ate a few things off it and was good for dinner.  So I know the fill is working well this time around.  Now what about next week? LOL.  Thats my worry but I have to learn to have self-control.  After that, we went to the male strip club here in Austin.  It was soooooo funny.  We got a personal lap-dance for the birthday girl and she definitely felt violated afterward.  I didn't give no money out......but for one special dancer.  He had the nicest booty ever on a man (don't tell D that).  Even Laura was like wow!  Haha.  But we're taken women, so we sat back and watched the rest.  But once that one got on the stage, I decided to pay him a little bit of something.  And once he was off, I had to grab him over...and tell him what God has blessed him with.  LOL.  He was like wow!  Then he grabbed me and my friend's titties saying he thought those were nice.  Yeah, caught us off guard...but it was funny!  Then when I left, he wouldn't let me pass........but finally did and I slapped him on that ass. Haha.  I had a fabulous time with old friends.  Something that was definitely needed since I haven't been out in so long.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

My 2nd Fill & Some Real Words

So yesterday I went for my 2nd fill on the band.  My stomach is still sore, I'm thinking she was a bit rough on me.  She told me to do a sit up like thing and was pressing on my port.  I didn't feel it because I got the Novocaine on it again.  But afterward, I felt sore and still do today.  Its bruised.  Other than that, I'm feeling good.  She added 1cc, so now I'm at 4.4cc's in my band.  I did the usual, drink some water in the lobby to make sure it goes down with no problems.  I can tell though that its swollen though.  So I'm still in my 24-hour for liquids only and then 24-hours of mushy, then regular diet again.

However, the real the part where I asked the nurse, please tell me how I'm doing.  No one has yet to really say...your doing good or your doing bad with your weight loss.  They just keep telling me, well...we just need to get you to the green zone.  Okay?  Well where's the support on what to do?  I kind of feel lost in the wind on the direction to go.  Yes, I have the book.  And I've read it.  Yes, I've been online and reading.  Yet, I still feel lost on how much meat and how much of sides I should eat.  Does meat and sides mean the total for 1/2 cup to 1 cup of food at the time.  Its frustrating, feeling lost.  And I have to admit, in the past two weeks I've gone off on a binge of eating whatever I wanted.  That includes bread.  I admitted to the lady, I have ate 2 whole slices of pizza at once time.  And yes, it went down fine.  But I asked her and her response, do you want me to be honest.  Well yeah!  But I guess she's used to people asking and then they get pissed because its not what they want to hear.  However, she's doing with someone who likes to hear it like it is.  I need that.  Or else I allow myself to fall back into that lazy phase.  And well, thats what I've done for the past two weeks.  Excuses and laziness.  She told me, "no, your not doing good".  I was like wow, but it confirmed what I had been feeling.  But then she said, "well, its not as bad as you think.  Part of it is what your eating, but part is the bad and trying to get where you need for restriction because we're in the beginning and still trying to get you to that sweet spot".  She even said it, the hunger feeling will never completely go away.  I knew this.  But thats where my mind steps in and needs to say...stop!  I have been doing awful the past two weeks, so now its time to really get my ass in gear.  So here's my goals that the nurse set up:
  • Lose 1.5 lbs per week
  • Get a scale to weigh my food
  • 3 oz of meat only and 1/4 cup of veggies at each meal
  • Only 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of food per meal (this should be the meat and sides together)
  • Measure food!
  • Buy a toddler fork, mainly to make myself take smaller bites
  • Take 20 minutes to eat a meal, whatever is left over throw out!
  • If I feel full be for that, STOP!
  • And of course, exercise at least 30 minutes day.
Simple steps....but I haven't been doing any of those things.  Its like I told her, I relapsed almost.  I was doing so well and then its like I didn't care.  Or I excused it.  I now have two measuring cups that were given to me by True Results.  One for home and one for work.  Just need a scale and really stick to measuring the food.  Heck, my lap band buddy bought me Tupperware to store the stuff in and help make it easier for me.  I have to plan it out, thats part of it if I want this to be successful.

Now it may seem like I am doing well because I've lost in total over 20lbs since.  I thought so too, but their counting from my surgery weight and I have only lost 18lbs since November 17th.  I guess that isn't as good as they hoped.  I also know that part of it is my water intake, I'm supposed to get at least 64oz.  So thats something I else I have to work on and it may curb the issue of eating more.  Oh and stay away from fast food!  She wasn't a mean nurse, just someone who is really trying to help me meet this goal of losing weight.  I need someone like that and she actually made me feel better. 

So in the meantime.........on to the next day for starting over.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Weigh In Day

So here's the latest weigh in, I actually dropped this earlier in the week by Wednesday.  Cause yes, I peak during the week but this was taken this morning.

I think I just lost water weight from last week.  So its good.  Basically just lost an additional pound.  Not bad.

I haven't been working out like I really need to.  I know the truth and for some reason I can't get myself to do it.  I need to exercise, I need to drink more water.  I know if I drank more would definitely help in the process.  I actually haven't been drinking water.  Seriously!  I'm not sure what my issue is but I need to make it a priority in my eating habits.

Outside of that, I begged my other half to use some of his credit from Game Stop towards getting the EA Active for our Wii.  I think I'm winning him over on it.  He said he was going to use it towards getting the Wii Resort but we'll see.  I really want that EA Active.  He thinks if we get it, I won't use it.  I promised him I would.  Hope he's on the same page as me........and gets it.  Its not like I ask for video games all the time.  Seriously, I'm really not that into video games.  But this is useful to us both getting healthy.

So thats my update so far...........gotta get ready for work today.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A lil of everything:

So I went ahead and added a pic of my weight to the profile.  Thought it was a good idea on weigh in days, keeps me accountable to the reality of it all, because believe me...I could lie to people and myself by shaving off a pound or two.  I also got the idea from a blog I visit daily and was so happy to find again, In Weigh Over My Head. Definitely a very motivational person, and I love how real she keeps it.

Outside of that, I've been working really hard.  Kind of, the last two days I've had a hard time focusing on my work.  I really don't know how I manage to sit there for 10 1/2 hours and not get anything done.  But I guess its possible.  My mind just hasn't been in it this week.  I really need to learn to leave my phone alone, especially since I'm able to get on FB from it so easily. LOL.  Then I've managed to get back into Twitter.  I think its mainly because I'm bored.  You'd think I'd be using my time off to be more productive..........with I don't know maybe exercising or something.  Nope! I'm on the internets.  Go figure.

Then, I managed to get into it with friends somewhat.  I guess misunderstandings, that was real nice.  However, I apologized openly to people because well...I did act out before finding out the whole truth.  However, in the end, I still don't trust it.  Is something wrong with that?  I just don't trust anyone anymore.  I guess I need to remind myself that I can only control my feelings and thoughts.  I know a lot of people, well my IRL people think I feel nothing or don't care because I'm sooooo mean.  No, I care.  Its obvious, its on my freaking brain a lot more than they think.  I'm very vocal about how I feel and how a person hurts me.  I don't know why, I'd just rather get it out of my head.  Well, hopefully its all resolved anyways.  At least on my side.

Oh and David did Natalya's hair.......and she took this lovely photo, this is what I call the classic "Tamesha" pose.  She is definitely a character.  LOL.

So thats my lil' update so far.  As for the weight loss thing, I don't want to become obsessed with the scale.  I think that happened when I seen I wasn't pissed me off.  So I'm going to do my best not to let the scale numbers get to me, focus on what I've lost so far.......maintain and do my best in the mean time to beginning losing more.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Worst Week Yet...

So I willingly admit, this has been the worst week for me yet.  I started for one!  Ugggh.  Then, instead of losing or even maintaining, I gained. Yes, its 1 pound but it still means I wasn't doing something right.  And I admit I wasn't doing anything right this week.

I think I was just hyping myself up last week, which really sucks.  I want to do some things to start losing weight, like exercising.  I know thats the biggest one.  But how does a person do that with cold weather?  And then we're in this tiny apartment, there's barely any room in here.  Plus, this week I came back to work and did 15 hours of OT.  I wasn't getting home until after 7pm, eating late and then staying up late.  My whole week got thrown off.  Then throw in some fast food and high calorie drinks, like lemonade, coffee with lots of cream and sugar.  Yeah, I didn't do good at all.  I didn't exercise and I didn't even really watch what I ate or drank.

I'm telling you, those calories are what got me.  Took in more than I could burn.  I need to get it together!  I'm very disappointed in myself.  I know the truth is, maybe from the beginning I had no intentions of doing any of those things I listed last week.  Then I feel like I'm eating everything as normal, like the fill didn't exist.  The feeling of restriction is gone.  Well, at least I have my next appointment on the 20th.  So hopefully that goes better.  But I know I need to get my ass in gear with exercising, thats the biggest factor in this.

Next week the weather is supposed to warm up, there should be no more room for excuses.  The biggest thing, I need to stick to water, I felt my body craving it this week and ignored the signs.  I need Julian come kick my ass!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Getting into Gear...

So in a way, I think my blog is starting to turn into more of a weight loss blog but a mix of my personal life as well.  But in a way, its all wrapped together if you want to get down to it.  So if you ain't looking for weight loss info, inspiration or all that other stuff involving weight......oh well! 

And yes, I did get WLS (weight loss surgery).  I just want to make it clear to people, its not an easy way out.  I still have to work on my struggles with bad eating habits, struggles with food, struggles with keeping myself motivated to even exercise.  Because yes, even with a lap band, you still have to exercise.  There are rules to having this in, its not so simple in me just getting the surgery and "taa daaa!" all the weight comes off.  Its most effective with exercise and following some eating rules.  I have to admit, no one has openly stated to me anything negative about getting it.  But I wish they would, I would go straight off on a person.  LOL.

So outside of setting up my "wish list", which I think I will put to the side on here.  Basically, my goodies to get for myself for accomplishing my weight loss goals.  Because in the end of it all, it will benefit all areas of my life.  I'm going to start putting it down on here and try to update every day.  Heck, even if no one else is reading it but me.

I joined a group on BabyCenter for the new year, called Shape Up or Get Out Weight Loss.  Another way to keep myself accountable.  Plus they have weekly challenges, this week's......drink a gallon of water a day.  I admit, I can't do that. LOL.  I barely drink much as it is now.  I'm supposed to be drinking at least 64oz a day.  Well I should at least attempt it.  So now I feel bad for even going on there and talking myself out of it.  I'm going to attempt it, starting tomorrow.  Along with walking at work on my break.  I work a lot of hours at work, but I need to make the time to walk so this will jump start some activity until I can get into a gym and do more.  And do some Wii game play at home after I get off.  I love the bowling and it really has made me sore, if that don't tell you how out of shape I am......haha.

As for food, I've done so on my own...switched to eating only whole wheat.  Believe, that was a major thing.  I love white bread, rolls and white rice.  I eat some rice, brown of course but not like I used to.  I'm even drinking 2% milk, I used to drink whole milk.  And I haven't had sodas in almost 2 months because you basically can't with the band.  It can cause trapped gas and since you really can't burp with the band, I don't want to deal with that.  Now its just about making sure I eat something for all 3 meals and not skipping.  I have the bad habit of going for long periods of time without eating, then over doing it.  I really can't over do it now like I used to in the past.........I'm telling you I could eat 4 chilli cheese dogs at once.  Yes, I did on more than one occasion.  Another thing, stay away from the candies and tempting when you work in an office environment.

So thats my plans this summarize my goals:
  • Attempt the Weekly Challenge of drinking 1 gallon of water each day
  • Walk during my breaks at work
  • Wii Bowling at night (fun time w/ the kiddos)
  • Stay away from all sweets and things that I know for sure are not good for me
Hope the rest of ya'll have a good week..........

Saturday, January 2, 2010

I'm a total bum!

I realized, this is what I do whenever I don't have to work.  I get up whenever in the morning (if no plans).  Well now that I'm older I really don't sleep in much and even now...usually I work on a Saturday.  But outside of that, even when I get home.  I usually get in my pajama's or lay around the clothes and then vegg out on the couch or get comfy in my chair at the computer and get on the internets.  Yes, I said internets (thanks to Kidd Kraddick in the Morning).  I probably don't eat until 2-3 in the afternoon.  Yes, I can go that long w/ out food.  But my bad habit has always been over eating to make up for not eating earlier.  I can't do that with this Lap Band.  In fact, last night I managed to get stuck and had my very first vomiting episode......not a great experience.  Literally, I watched all of my food in this order >>> sweet potatoes, greens, and turkey come back up.  The stuff didn't go to my stomach either.  I got stuck because I ate too fast and didn't concentrate on how many bites.

So it came back to haunt me.......then after getting sick, I took some Tylenol since my stomach ached from that vomiting episode.  Believe, there is no real feeling of feeling "restricted".  But that made me more aware of how restricted I am after getting my fill on Tuesday.  Its time to seriously get rid of my bad eating habits, eating too fast, smaller bites and chewing it up well.  Otherwise, I'll get sick.  I hate throwing up, I mean really hate it.  I will do whatever to avoid it.

Then I haven't really used the Wii since last weekend, I guess I can blame some of it on being sick with allergies but at this point I'm still not feeling up to par.  But I know this is truly my every day thing if I'm not working.  Its nice and sunny out, however chilly as heck!  I would like to go out walking but I really can't because the allergies are messing with me, as well as my asthma.  I guess I'll do some Wii time today to make up for the lack of exercising.  I know it will help me in losing weight.

And if you noticed above, that was me talking and excusing my way out of it.......basically to myself.  Yeah, I caught that. Haha.

Time to kick my ass into gear!  I want to be down 60lbs by May 17th.  That is the half way point for my 1 year band anniversary.  I know I can do it.  I just actually have to do it.  Some one help?!  But I have been doing some researching online because truth is, I need a work out regime.  I wanted the Wii Fit but from reading reviews and other folks thoughts, I think I'm going for the EA Active for Wii.  I need something that is actually going to make me sweat and in the comfort of my living-room.  Then there is no more room for excuses, right?  And I'm going to check into those Sketcher's Shape Up's, not for getting my legs, thighs and butt looking wonderful, but I heard their good for walking in general.  Good for better posture and believe, as someone who is a big girl, my feet ache now from the improper foot support.

So here's my wish list:
  • EA Active for Wii
  • Sketchers Shape Up shoes
  • Ipod or Shuffle (something for music)
  • (maybe) a Treadmill
However, it all costs money...and it probably won't come until income tax refund time.  That's fine with me, not too far off.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Updated Pics, What's my true Weight Loss? & First Fill

But thats okay, I was going to blog but I put it off.  Then I was sick...and now I have time.  So I took pics last Sunday to show how much I've lost to those who don't see me everyday.  Plus the last set was right after surgery.  So here you go:

I think I've lost most of my weight so far in my face, neck, some in my arms, hips and legs.  Nothing for my mid-section but I guess that will come later.

So I started debating, at what point should I start counting weight loss?  Do I start from when I was first weighed back in September when I was doing my lap band consultation? Or do I start from surgery date?  Its basically a 5 pound difference.  And when I went to get my first fill this past Tuesday, True Results was using my weight at surgery.  I kind of want to keep on the same track as them but then again, why discount my 5 pound loss that most likely occurred during my 2 week pre-op diet.

So yes, I had my first fill.  I had been building myself up for it in the past week after hearing from my lap band buddy how horrible her first one went.  I mean, they basically couldn't find her port...they found out she had like 4.2 cc's in it already, then they added too much.  Which then lead to her not being able to swallow water or her own saliva.  She had a really scary experience.  But then again, she wanted to go aggressive because she thought she was eating everything in sight.  Truth is, I know she wasn't.  Truth is, I think she thought it was going to totally make that "hunger" feeling go away.  Like the "hunger" you see on Weight Watchers........he exists!  And I believe "he's the devil!", said in the voice of mama from the Water Boy.  Haha.  Kidding, its just so hard and tempting to curb that.

So first things first, I got weighed...and so happy to say that my scale at home matches the doctors office.  Thats so awesome!  So at least when I weigh here, I know its the right weight.  They put me on a table in the X-Ray room, with a pillow under my back.  I was so scared, I am not going to lie...I know that needle they use is long as hell because the hospital sent me home with one for some reason (like I'm going to do a fill on myself, wth?).  They gave me the option of using Novocain or nothing.  I said numb it up, just to be on the safe side.  Thats the only part that hurt, it was the same pain you might have in your gums at the dentist office but in my belly.  I covered my eyes and prepared.  Then she was done.  Haha.  That fast! Go figure, me being a giant baby.  She measured what I had, it was 3cc's and added 0.4 cc's.  So now I'm at 3.4.  I did my water drinking/swallowing test and it all went good.  Definitely a good experience for a first timer...

I plan on weighing myself once a week, on Saturday's.  I'll add that to my side menu......each week.  Thats about it for me on the weight thang!