Sunday, July 4, 2010

Very challenging moment in my life...

So I've realized since having the miscarriage last week, not only have I started to lose the weight I was gaining.  But with the loss of pregnancy hormones and all my current stresses at work and home.  I'm going crazy.  Okay, maybe not totally crazy but I've been very tearful, feeling sad and blue, then irritated and angry the next moment.  I feel bad for my husband and my kids.  I'm just taking it out on them so much.  I realized early on its the mix of postpartum depression, along with grief and loss.  And all the other crap I've been dealing with for the past 4 months.  For me to think of things and wish it would just go away...and go to bed as soon as I get home, equals not good.  I'm a Sag, we're naturally happy, optimistic people and I just can't find that light right now.  I've been praying to God and even that isn't working for me.  Not that I have no faith in him to pull me through this but its almost like a physical reaction in my brain that is not allowing me to move forward and onto more positive things.

Its just sad, I feel like crying everyday when I get home from work.  So I know its time to talk to someone.  I have my first appointment with a counselor/therapist tomorrow on the 5th.  We'll see how that goes and if I need some kind of medications like Lexapro to help for the time.  I'm pretty aware of what the process is since I went through this about 5 years ago.  Strangely.  So hopefully this is the answers to my prayers and things begin to go in a better direction.  Its been a hard few months...and I'm ready to feel relaxed, drama free and back to normal life again.

Outside of that, I haven't started exercising officially yet.  Mainly because I'm still finishing off the miscarriage situation.  And its known that if you do heavy, stringent will continue to bleed instead of it stopping.  Plus actually since the passing occurred, I seem to have my energy and I've been cleaning the hell out of my house and finishing unpacking.  Which has been exercise in itself.

I weighed myself yesterday and I'm at 219, down 1 pound.  So I'm happy for that small success to getting back on track with my weight loss.  I'll wait until I go for my follow up doctor appointment with the OB/Gyn to see that everything is okay to begin doing real exercise.

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