Monday, July 27, 2009

Ugggh... ***ROLLS EYES***

Not sure if I'm supposed to be on my period considering I don't get one EVER due to this IUD. Maybe its not a good thing. Good for the sex part, no worries. But definitely not good for my moods. Maybe I'm in mid-cycle and hormones are hitting hard. However, I'd still feel like this tomorrow and even next week.

When the hell did we have to be so censored on BBC? Oh, its always been that way. I forgot. I guess because I got on my birth club for January 2009 and actually bonded with some ladies, who even got me. I joked a lot, still do. But the fact is...........hormones are gone, so what is up with all these women getting their panties all twisted? Why do we have to walk on eggshells and be sure to triple check what we say out of fear that even though we're airing our opinion, its still going to hurt some person I've never met...or even talked to on these boards..........FEELINGS? Huh?

I think its ridiculous. And as someone else said...grow some thicker skin. Seriously. You ain't my mama, so why do you feel I have to watch out for your future feelings because today you might be okay with it...and tomorrow your on your monthly and got feelings hurt over the same damn statement.

Fact is........we are all different, we all have different opinions and we shouldn't have to fear stating our opinions. Its different if I just came at you and called you out of your name or used a personal situation against embarass you or belittle you. But because I don't agree with you...I'm wrong and insensitive. WTF?

I swear.......this is the reason I've stayed away from BBC. Blah!!!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Jobby Job

So I managed to work almost 20 hrs of OT this week. I've never done that in my life. However, I am caught up on all my work. Crazy, eh? Which should tell you there...we got that much work all the time...that even 60 hours a week wouldn't keep you caught up. LOL. But I did get a wonderful email on Tuesday morning from a son aka Power of Attorney for one of the insureds, it said GREAT SERVICE! He was so surprised that he faxed in the bill on the 13th of this month and got his check in hand by the 20th. I love being praised for good work! And it made my day, so in the end, it was worth it. Plus I got some phone comments from two other people...about how impressed they were with me, how helpful I am. So it lets me know I'm doing a good job. Mind you, I still hate being on the phone. However I do have to talk to the insureds or their family. But at times, I just want to tell their dang POLICY!

Seriously people...I've worked for medical insurance companies and processed claims for PPO plans, HMO plans...even Medicaid and Medicare. And in the midst of it, taken calls from providers and members/insureds. Its seriously not the insurance company trying to deny and not pay. If your policy states something, we have to process it that way. Believe, I don't enjoy denying peoples claims on purpose.

But also...there are seriously a lot of people out there right now trying to get over and fraud the insurance company as well. Like some of the policies I work right now for long term care...they pay a personal caregiver....thats someone who is NOT a licensed nurse and usually a family friend or family member. And these people be lying to get that money. I mean seriously, its rediculous...and they get mad because they have to provide proof of payment for us to reimburse them. Its crazy the stories and things we hear from people.

My advice for people, seriously just sit down and read over your benefits and coverage. Thats with any insurance policy. Know what you have.

Friday, July 17, 2009

I WANT to move NOW! But I'm not...

So I've been checking out houses on Craigslist in my area for awhile. Kind of like window shopping. I knew dang well we really can't afford to. Not with having to take DJ back home, then getting the kids school clothes & supplies and going to Sea World. But I still wanted it. I hate being in our 2 bedroom. Its just so cramped and small to me. Its suffocating to me. I hate feeling like that and its getting worse to me as time goes on.

Then, I seen on ad for a 3 bedroom home, its out in the country but thats cool because its near my mom's new house. Plus it has a nice lil' yard and barbeque area that is covered. Its really cute. I spoke to the property management, even set up a time to go out and see it yesterday (because thats how anxious I am to move). So the lady that I spoke to, she kind of seemed off anyways when I asked about meeting up. But we scheduled it for 6:30pm. I go out there, its a bit far. We got there early, even got out to check out the yard and things. What do you know, 6:30 comes and goes...I call her at 6:40 and she's like nonchalant like she had nothing going on. I said, we were supposed to meet up. She goes, at 6:30. Yes...oh, on Katy Lane. I said, no on Heather Cove. Oh, we're gonna have to reschedule. BITCH? What do you think, you its 6:45 now. Really? I wanted to cuss her ass out so bad. I told David then, thats a sign....we shouldn't be doing this. We have a lease that is not over with until March I think of next year.

Since then, its been irking my nerves. I just want to be out of those apartments and I think I'm trying to find reasons to leave. Then it don't help that I have my mother in my ear telling me to do it. Hello! Its my credit, I don't need that on there. But to her, I guess it don't matter. Its not like she's ever taught us how to handle money properly or handle our credit with care.

Then this morning, its still on my mind.......I get a Tweet from Rev Run (of Run DMC) and it was like God is speaking to me through him. This is the tweet:

Good morn! Be happy 2day! Neva let circumstances control ur joy! Circumstances, Smircumstances! Be happy!! Ppl suffer because of desire.

Now if that ain't the truth and just what I needed to read/hear. Thats God talking, reinforcing the sign of that woman not showing up and telling me to hold off. Fulfill my obligation to my lease. He has a reason for all and I just to follow his lead. Because truly...I have been causing myself to suffer due to my desire. And the latest tweet from Rev Run:

Choose ur happy path! Its ur sacred privelege! Let NO 1 take it from u! Choose! A Plan is...a scheme, program or method, set up by u & 4 u!

Amen! to that. So now its time to handle other things and other debts prior to us making that move. I really need to put things in God's hands, he will definitely give us the home we are looking for and need with due time.

I feel better now...and relief. Crazy ain't it.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The REMINDER of where I'm at...

So last night, we went to my parents house to visit and eat. As well as have David cut my step-dad's hair. We also happened to get a visit from his bestfriend in Houston...and his wife. They came up here because her parents live here as well. And there was the reminder of what level of life we're on....and where their at. And the feeling of envy, which sucks! I hate feeling that way and its not their fault. I just hate feeling like I'm missing out and it don't help that David has been feeling down in the dumps about himself lately.

He can say he's fine but I see it.....he hates not being able to get clothes for himself so he can look nice when he wants. He hasn't cut his hair nor shaved in I couldn't tell you. He looks like a homeless man at this point. Yesterday, I told him he should meet up with his best friend since they were going downtown. Its not like he gets out and hangs w/ friends or even guy friends here. So why not? His reason, I have nothing to wear. It just makes me feel so bad. Like all the hardwork, all the things we're doing is for nothing at times. I understand, I'd love to be able to get my toes done and buy new clothes for me whenever. Or even the kids. It just sucks. I hate living like this as well. Not having the extra to throw around. Hell I don't even know how others do it and I know the reason his friend and his wife can is because they have no children. Its just them two.

I just wish he'd get out of this depressive thing he's in. I'm trying to stay out of it myself but damn. And I think its worse for him because he see's his brother and his wife and kids...and his other friends dressing nicely, going places or eating out often. But then I have to remind him, we really don't know how their living to have those things. Hell, I have to remind myself of that.

All I can hope for is it will get better. I know truth is...we can't complain. We're doing better this year than we did last year. I can only be grateful what God has given me. I think I need those reminders. We have been blessed, I just wonder how I can show him what blessings he has as well.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Grandma Evelyn is Gone

June 27, 1934 - July 4, 2009

So my Grandma passed away on July 4th. I got the call from my mom about 12:30am, my Grandparents live near Reno, NV so she passed around 10:30pm. She's been suffering for years from COPD and Empysema. But from what one of my friends (who is a nurse) said was that COPD is a very painful disease to go through. However, my Grandma was a very stubborn old woman. She smoked forever...and tried to quit with this thing but would go back to smoking again. I mean she was on oxygen, with tubes in her nose smoking. Knowing dang well she'd blow up a house possibly. LOL.

I'm not sure how I feel at this point, I spoke to her last week. It was hard getting up the nerve to call her. Knowing she was at home on hospice, knowing that they had her on Morphin for pain. And knowing those were her last days. I did call and tell her I love her, she knew. I feel in my heart she knew and does know even now. So when I got the call, it wasn't like I was broke up over it. I guess everyone thought I'd break down and be bawling my eyes out. Maybe I thought I would as well. I kind of feel numb and its not being done on purpose. Everyone keeps asking if I'm okay. I am. Maybe it will hit me later, I don't know.

But its like I knew it was coming, so I prepared myself for this already. So maybe it doesn't hurt as bad.

Love you Grandma.