Measure, measure, measure!

Bad beginning of the week.  Monday I went in to True Results, thinking I'd get another fill but truth is, I really didn't need one.  I'm probably at my green zone, at least thats the impression I left the nurse with.  Enough for her to say no fill.  I was screaming in my head, why?  Mainly because I know my insurance changes effective 1/1/2011, meaning a VERY high deductible to meet for the year and everything for the visits next year coming out of my pocket to meet it under a Health Savings Account plan.  Just ugly.

So here's what I was met with...I need to start measuring my food.  I admit, I've been "eye"ing it.  Thinking I could tell by sight.  As well as thinking that my stomach would tell me once its full.  WRONG!  I know thats wrong.  Fact is, I haven't been measuring since I got this thing.  I was depending on this band to do it all.  But fact remains, I can still eat breads, rice, cereals....basically whatever with very little problem.  The only good thing about the band is it has kept me off soda's for the past year.  Which is probably where I lost most of my weight.  But now I'm relying primarily on juice, tea, coffee.  Still not getting enough water in.  Still not exercising.  Just not following the rules of the lap band.

Here are the 10 Rules of the Lapband:

1. Eat only three small meals a day
2. Eat slowly and chew thoroughly (15-20 times a bite)
3. Stop eating as soon as you feel full
4. Do not drink while you are eating
5. Do not eat between meals
6. Eat only good quality food
7. Avoid fibrous food
8. Drink enough fluids during the day
9. Drink only low-calorie fluids  
10. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day 

So lets see...#1...broken, I eat maybe 1-2 times per day.  I always seem to skip breakfast because I'm not hungry.  And thats just been a habit since before the lap band.  #2...still have the bad habit of eating fast, thats when I end up having a stuck episode.  Just something I really need to re-focus on.  #3...yeah, broke that one too, plenty of times.  Its this thing in my head that says, just one more bite because of the taste or that damn "clear your plate" mentality.  #4...I'm good on this one, never do.  #5...its been hard lately with the holidays, but truth is, I need to learn to fight the temptation.  I need to prove I have more will power over this.  #6...yeah, not sure I've done this very well.  I admit I still have moments of going out to eat fast food, just not in the amounts I used to.  But I know if I finally kill this habit, it would make a huge difference!  #7...I'm sure I do avoid fibrous food.  Haha.  #8...This has been the hardest, drinking tons of water through out the day.  I have tried so hard to get this good habit in motion.  #9...broken, tons of times with cran-apple juice.  Which I know is not 100% juice, its just sugars but its so good!  Sugar is bad...I know.  #10...never do.

So seeing all this, I know I need to become familiar once again with the basic rules of the lap band.  Oh and measure EVERYTHING!  I know I'm not suppose to be eating more than a cup of food at one meal.  And I know "eye"ing it is definitely allowing me to overeat.  Which in turn, is defeating the purpose of this all.

Too bad they couldn't do something to switch off the stuff in our brain thats really causing all this.  Its so hard to change bad habits.

But after that visit on Monday and leaving crying......yes, crying.  I had no choice but to admit it is ME that is sabotaging myself.  Yes, a lot of bad things have happened this year.  But I can start over...so with 2010 ending, I'm throwing the old out and getting myself back in motion to losing the rest of this 100 lbs.