I Want More for Them...

Crazy how you don't realize what your into until you really start looking at your habits.  Why am I saying this?  Mainly because I noticed that since I really don't read magazines or newspapers (probably because actual paper copies of it are becoming null and void) like I used to as a kid/teen.  However, since technology has advanced I come across articles on the net.  I get sucked into them and read immediately, especially anything that applies to my life.  Like this one I came across today called, "What Your Teen Isn't Telling You".  Now mind you, my oldest son is only 11 years old but he is going into middle school this fall.  I also have a 13 year old niece (soon to be 14 years old) and soon to be 11 year old nephew that I try to participate in the lives as much as possible.  It makes me wonder if the reason I love reading articles is due to getting older and that is something you do as you get older (like drinking coffee every day, lol) or if its my love of reading coming back.  Oh how I'd love to get a Kindle.  One day soon!  I miss reading books and I have several books in my bedroom, but I really don't want to read them over and over again.  Not my thing, as mentioned previously about me learning new things and moving on once I think I've learned all I need to know on a subject.  Haha.

[Side tracked moment >>> ]  Does it really matter if its one or the other?  Not sure.  I know there is the stigma of getting old, especially hitting landmark ages.  Since I'm now 30 years old, I thought I didn't feel like it but I notice small things that I do now that are associated with being of the "mature age".  I was just talking to a friend that I have known since I was 14 years old and who just turned 30 years old herself a couple of weeks ago.  We both said that we don't feel like we're this old.  I still feel like I'm a young 20-something most of the time.  It don't help that most people assume I'm probably 23 years old and kind of treat me that way (which has its pro's and con's).  I do admit I have a sense of humor of this age group and probably tend to like to relate to the younger people anyways (like I'm old as hell).  I think that is also what is happening lately with me, still learning and discovering myself.  Then I have my husband who is 2 years younger than me who always jokes about how I should know about any time prior to 1980.  Lol.  Or maybe it is just my love for reading coming back.  My love for acquiring as much information as possible.  I admit, I love to be a know-it-all and giving people information that they don't know.  But whats fun about reading articles online is finding other links that give even more information.  I notice I love the self-help information too.  As always I'm into the moving to improving me thing.

[Back to the original subject >>>]  With my son getting ready to transition from pre-teen to teenager, I want to be prepared.  Reality is though, your never EVER truly prepared for life.  But it never hurts to get information to help you cope with the ever changing thing we call life.  I want to be the one he can talk to about what is happening in his life.  Same way I try to be that person for my niece.  I want to be the one they go to for advice and provide accurate information.  I want to be the one that prepares them well to be self-sufficient and productive people.  I have so much that I've gone through as a girl/woman that I want them to learn from my mistakes.  But I also want them to know that I'm a parent.  I don't want to be their best-friend nor do I expect to be told everything.  I just hope that how I approach things, I am the person they trust in the end.  I love them all so much and want to support them to be great people.

I guess these concerns came about after seeing things change so drastically this year for my oldest nephew.  He's almost 19 years old and about to be a father.  Definitely not what I was hoping for him at this age.  Considering I had my son at the same age.  And the fact that I had this talk with him over and over again...and he still did chose to have unprotected sex which has lead to this pregnancy (based on conversations with him, in my personal opinion it was done on purpose).  When I found out about the pregnancy, I had this gut wrenching reaction.  Almost as if he was my own son telling me this.  Of course his mother was ecstatic to become a grandmother and even the girls parents seemed to be on the same page.  Its one thing accepting the fact months later but after immediately finding out saying congratulations to a 15 year old and 18 year old on becoming teen parents...as if they were grown adults who could provide for a child, is a whole other story.  As you can see, it still saddens me.  Since finding out, my nephew has stayed secluded with her family.  We haven't seen him since Christmas and rarely talk to him.  I really felt like his mother, just truly disappointed and even then still disappointed because he should be doing more.  Go to school, get an education.  Especially because he has this child on the way.  Just frustrating when I think of these things.  And all I can think is this how I will feel if my own child made these choices?

That is my reason for wanting to be a supportive, proactive parent not only for my children but even my niece and nephew that are under the care of my parents.  I pray to God they learn from the mistakes of their older cousin/brother and make choices that leads them down the path of waiting to have children, of having their youth to learn about themselves without having to grow up so fast.  That is the one thing I keep telling my niece, enjoy being young.  It goes by so fast.  Don't make a choice that leads to it being gone in a blink of an eye.