Saturday, July 23, 2011

Maybe I am fighting the commitment

To this life of being banded.  After reading another post, I admitted I'm having a hard time with committing to the life style changes to actually lose weight.  Its the most frustrating part about this journey.  I browse various blogs, hoping something would click in my head to make me change now.  I have been doing things, slowly but then I'm reverting back to the old ways.  I want to lose weight.  But do I really want to?  Thats the question for myself.  I know ultimately I have to truly commit.  This is the lesson I am being taught right now and one thing a good friend said to me was, "your going to keep repeating this lesson until you pass it! Just like a test". 

I have a lot of revelations lately when it comes to commitments in general but especially with my weight.  Am I that addicted to food to NOT give it up?  Well mainly the bad stuff.  I think so.  I don't think I would have ever admitted that to anyone else.  I have said it to my husband and mother previously.  Even from the beginning of surgery, in my head I never wanted to not eat this or that to lose the weight.  I just wanted the band to force me not to eat as much of it.  Oh yes, even now after looking back I can admit I had that idea of the "Magic Band" to fix it all.  Maybe that's the truth in it all.  I don't think I was ever committed.  So you see my true confession on this.  I have been in denial, I have given excuses and even just plain given up. 

I know I want to lose the weight at the end of it all.  Even if my intentions previously did not mean actual 110% commitment (thank you! Lap Band Gal).  I know that I've been reaching out and reading these blogs for a reason.  So how to change these bad habits that have me stuck in one spot?

I'm searching for the answer now........

<<< SIDE NOTE:  And you see a few posts back how I didn't want to turn this into a freakin' weight loss blog.  Hahaha...... It somewhat is because this is a part of my life (another sign of denial), I think I'm learning it keeps me accountable.  Even if only a few people read it.

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