Weigh In for 10.30.11

Weigh-In:  213.2

So weighed myself this morning and down 0.2 lbs of what I gained back last week.  Crazy!  I did well this week on my water intake, made sure to get in 72-96 ounces every single day.  Happy to see I did stick to that this week (minus the weekend).  I do admit I did go over my on calories by about 97 on Friday.  Uggh but it was our family Halloween party night.  Lol.  

I did notice that on the weekends, for whatever reason I barely eat anything.  Weird since all during the week, its all I think about.

I am happy that I'm sticking to things during the week but I can admit, I've been VERY snacky.  All of the candy around the office and then when I get home... I'm searching for chips or whatever.  I don't know why because I feel full from dinner.  So I know its all head hunger.  Well really, maybe I do know the why.  I guess a lot of underlying stress from the relationship issues is finally catching up.  

I did no exercise this week, no excuse really.  Just a lot of OT . The good thing on that is that the boss sent out an email on Thursday saying their cutting our OT back to only 5 hours a week.  That means I'll be able to get out of work by 5pm every day (basically its forcing me to go home) and it means I have no reason not to do some type of exercising now (like I did before).

In other good news, I was invited to a Mini-Boobs meet up with fellow LapBanders who reside in the Texas region.  So excited!  Its November 12th and I am going to meet up with other LapBand Ladies who are doing what they should with this band.  Truth is, I need this... I need to see the results in person, I need to hear them in person to realize its REAL!  I am hoping I find some re-newed inspiration and motivation.  And maybe I need some damn tough love from them to kick my ass into doing the right thing and losing the weight I have been wanting to lose all along in the past 2 years.  I can't wait to go.... 

Goals for this Week:  Get in 72-96 ounces of water every day (even on the weekend), stay under calorie goal (so I can lose at least 1 whole pound of what I gained back), and EXERCISE >> walking 3x this week for 1 hour (gotta get that sweat out).

Halloween Festivities!

Okay, none for me really.  However, I admit I have had some candy.  It doesn't help that its everywhere right now.  Okay, I admit... I need self-control.  I'm working on that (especially since the holidays are around the corner).

From Halloween 2010

So back to Halloween and good stuff.  No costumes this year for the kiddos.  Not because we do not believe in celebrating or anything.  We do it some times and then do other things other years.  Well since we've had a lot of stuff going on this past month, we decided not to partake in costumes and walk the neighborhood.  Instead, we chose to spend the money for costumes on having our own home Halloween Party.  So we bought two card games to play as a family The Game of Life and Monopoly (yes, they have it in card games) and its very fun!  Then there was eating frozen pizzas from Wally World and some other finger foods (my faves:  Mini Beef & Cheese Tacos & Empanadas).  We also bought a variety of candies for the household, along with vanilla ice cream and root-beer and orange soda for floats... in place of trick or treating.  So a weekend of scary movies and family time with all the bad food stuff we usually don't have here (yes, I usually do not have sweets for the kids).

Here is a picture of the kids from last Halloween.  My oldest son was a Werewolf, Snuk was Elmo, Naty was Jasmine for Aladdin and my nephew was a vampire (kind of like Edward from Twilight, lol).

Gotta love it!

Thats about it for our family on celebrating this weekend.  Good times!

BYOC..Bring Your Own Crazy!

It’s Friday and time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! A couple of questions we answer to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog and enjoy!


This week my questions are going to themed…as in they are all about blogging and just to throw you off – there are more than 5 this time!!

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1. When did you begin blogging? Do you plan to do it a long time or do you think you’ll stop after a while?

I actually began blogging in 2007.  I moved a lot of my blogs from that point over to this one.  I like the whole journaling and things.  I had a "livejournal" back before MySpace... so probably back in 2005-06 is when I really started, just don't have those posts.  So its obvious I want to do it long-term, even if no one else reads it but lil' ole me.

2. What do you enjoy more - blogging yourself or reading other’s blogs?

I say its 50/50.  I love releasing all of my thoughts and people commenting or not.  Its a good release on all the stresses/emotions going on in my head.  I also LOVE reading others blogs because I'm inspired by others stories and well lets be real... I'm a bit NOSEY! 

3. What’s the biggest thing blogging has taught you? Biggest surprise about blogging?

Taught me? Hmmm... I don't know.  To be honest, I have ran a fansite and have been a part of messageboards since 2000.  So I learned a lot about how the internet and people act on it a long time ago.  Blogging has just my way of journaling without getting wrist cramps.  LOL.  But the biggest surprise is finally being able to connect with others... its been a long time since I don't do the fansite/messageboards much anymore.

4. Have you met any other bloggers in real life – solely because of your blog or theirs?

Never met any real-life bloggers.  But I have met people off the internet through my fansite and messageboards (ohhh the memories of 5 Nelly concerts with fellow fans!)  Good times!  Now back to the blogging world >>> I can't wait to meet other bloggers.  I am not fearful of that... in fact, I met my husband off of MySpace (don't judge me!) Lol.

5. Does your blog have a general theme as in one topic or do you cover everything and anything?

I was trying to come up with one... but mainly its about ME, my life.  I didn't want it only about weight loss since I had previous blog postings about my life anyways.  However since the LapBand, it has turned to more about the weight loss struggles.  But in general, still is about my life... thats how I like it, bayybayy (in my New Orleans accent)!

6. Are you public or anonymous? Whichever you are – do you ever wish you were the other?

Public!  No offense to anyone who isn't but I'm the kind of person that likes to put it all out there.  Does my family know the link... maybe, maybe not.  But I do notice because I am public I hold back more than I probably want to.  I have noticed in the past few years I am more "censored" and recently coming upon that revelation... I choose to change it.  I don't aim to hurt people but I do want to air my true feelings.  So some things may be said that could potentially sting people.  And truth is... anything I say here, I would say to your face.  So it is what it is.......

7. What’s your best blogging advice for a new blogger?

Seriously... be you!  Don't hold back.  Don't be afraid to have bad days and blog, don't be afraid of others judging you.  This is your blog, your life, your opinions... and if others don't like it, they don't have to follow and they can hit the X at the corner.  (Basically what I've always told people on messageboards, etc).

8. Does anyone in your real life read your blog/know it’s address? Do you wish they would or wouldn’t?

I'm sure they do... because its linked to my FB page.  But I doubt they read it.  Well no, some have said they read it (just don't follow) and well they know how I am offline so it really doesn't bother them much.  The only person I don't want viewing my page is my husband's ex (usually I would careless but she likes to hold things against him which eventually affects his time with his son).

9. Do you enjoy blogging or do you view it as a chore? How often do you blog?

I enjoy it... I admit at times I get tired of it (or well the internet in general).  So I'll take breaks but I always come back. 

10. Do you tell people in your real life that you blog? Or keep it a secret?

Yes... I do.  I even suggest other people do it.  My niece is semi-on board with blogging.


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Have a great weekend everyone!!

Wore Out! Run Down! Sooo sleepy...

I really don't know what is wrong with me lately.  Add in the almost 5 lb gain back over the past week and a half (because yes, I'm weighing myself daily and seeing that its still not moving or budging).  I'm still confused on the weight gain, I know I wasn't eating that bad last week and although I didn't do real exercise... does sex count?  Because I was putting in work every night (at home, in my bed/shower)....... lol.  I know I sweated some calories off then (hmmm... makes me wonder if you can add that to MFP under exercise).

Anywho... I've been going to bed pretty early for me, about 10-10:30ish.  And if I don't go to the bed, well even then, I fall asleep on the couch.  I have been getting up around 5:45am but still.  I'm taking my vitamins every single day, including extra dosage of B12.  But I still feel like I'm dragging along.... all day.  People say stuff to me (like am I feeling good, etc).  I'm not feeling ill.... I wonder if its all the meds I've been taking, add in the vitamins and supplements.  I admit, I am on Singulair and Allegra but both are suppose to be non-drowsy.  Sometimes I take a daytime Tyelonal Severe Congestion pill.  Hmmm... yes my random thoughts. 

Or could it be that I need a vacation from my job!  Possibly.  This whole past month has been horrible.  With being ill, personal stresses, work stress.  I just don't know what to do. 

I really do feel run down... like my whole body wants a nap right now.  I'm too young to be feeling so old, seriously.  Then I read this article on Yahoo! talking about being tired.... click the link and its about Thyroid issues.  Now my mother and well all the woman in my family have issues with this.  And I do make sure that at all my yearly physicals to get a blood work-up.  I was fine last year and have been.  But I also know with thyroid issues it can show up out of no where, even being fine 6 months prior.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it..... who knows.  But I did schedule my physical for the year, have to wait until December 19th!  I guess I'll see then how the thyroid is doing. 

In the meantime..... I'll keep battling my fatigue with naps!

Something must be in the air...

I said this earlier on my facebook page... Not going to call out names or anything but my heart aches right now for all of my close friends going through things in their relationships right now.  I'm not sure what the deal is but there seem to be so many issues for people right now.  Is it the ecomony?  Is it finances?  Is it the way people are these days, like out for themselves and not thinking of anyone else?  Who knows.  But as I've told my friend(s), whatever decision you make on your relationship... I'm here for you.  I will not judge you either way.  We're grown!  And as long as the other half is not abusing you physically/mentally... then I have nothing to say.  Because truth is... people do cheat, even in what others believe to be the best relationship.  It happens.  A good relationship will work through it though.

And I guess by me not only putting my situation out in the open on here and on FB... these friends are coming to me.  It makes me feel pretty good that they trust me enough to tell of these things.  I seriously have all of them in my prayers right now.  We're strong people (cause yes, that applies to females/males) and you will be okay.  Go through the grieving/break up process or choose to mend/heal the damage with your partner... its all okay to feel it.  Thats the key, feel those feelings.  Cry your eyes out.  Your allowed to feel all of it and don't be ashamed.  Your not a fool!  Your not stupid for missing things or thinking things were okay.  You were in love with this person and you trusted them.  Its not you, its that other person dealing with personal issues.  Now its on you how you want to deal with it.  Whatever you decision, all that matters is that your happy in the end.

It kind of feels like a letter to myself as well....

As for my own personal situation, I really didn't put the reason we broke up or had issues.  The truth is, I caught him "talking" to another woman.  The chic knew he was married and well, he let her into our relationship.  It even got to the point of him packing up and going to his mother's home in Houston.  I guess after a week of being a part and well seeing me decide to go out with friends (because thats what friends do, they get you out of the house and MAKE you have fun!) and something I did on purpose to make him jealous (yes, not the mature route but I knew if I did this thing... he would react and was hoping he would realize the mistakes he made).  Nothing horrible, just slight fibbing to get a rise and it worked.  But then again he was saying he missed me prior... I just had to push him more. 

He attended his first therapy session alone, it went pretty well from what he says.  Now next week we go together.  So worried what she is going to say to me.  LOL.  I admit, I'm no angel.  I'm a tough cookie.

Now on the weight thing >>> I started taking the Magnesium Oxide pills yesterday to help with the stomach issues.  Went first thing this morning.  Coincidence? We shall see.  I would like it to be everyday!  Lol.  I am in day 2 of this week and did pretty well yesterday with my calorie intake and got in 96 ounces of water.  I really want to flush out this damn sodium... I really think I'm retaining water.  How the hell do you gain 4-5 pounds in a week?  Is that even possible?  I swear I stepped on the scale and it said I had now gained back 5 pounds.  [side note:  I wonder if my scale battery is low? Gotta check that.]  Either way... here's hoping that the water this week helps weigh in day on Sunday!

Weigh In for 10.23.11

Weigh-In:  213.4

Hello everyone... I haven't been blogging much just because of all the personal things happening.  But I will be back on the scene again now... 

As for weigh-in goes, the number has gone up in the past week by like 3-4 pounds which makes no sense why the number would increase that much.  Depending on the day, it has been fluctuating.  I know for numerous reasons why my weight has jumped up.  But at least I'm being honest about it.  I just don't want to see that number up there, haha.  So all the shit I've been doing this past week and lets be real for... awhile now, its just finally catching up.

• No water intake this week, a little bit but barely anything.  Seriously... I haven't drank much of it, I would probably say about a cup for the entire week.
• Bad food choices for meals.
• Severe bloating, along with being constipated (I wanted to lay down and sleep...with the way my stomach has been aching all week).
• Snacking... yes, eating little candies at work since everyone has the damn Halloween candy bowls around their desks.
• No exercising (at all and well seriously, I wasn't doing shit for weeks and my leg is okay now).
• High sodium intake on some days.

So MY PLAN for this week is to get some of them Magnesium Oxide pills (thank you Sarah for the suggestion).  Will be getting that today and Wally World.  I can't take the freakin stomach pains and bloating any more.  I never had this issue before the surgery and it just gets worse over time.  

I am going to start walking in the evenings.  I want to exercise more but I also know I plan on doing overtime at work this week and I will be exhausted from all the crap up there mentally that I would rather just walk it out at home in the evenings.  Especially with it being cooler and well lets be real, I am kind of starting from scratch again and I'm a bit afraid of jacking my knee up again.  So I need to take things slower this time.

And well definitely watch what I'm eating and get my damn water in to flush all this sodium/bloating things happening, OUT!  I'm so close to being to ONEDERLAND and I want to be there by December.  I can do this.
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On a personal note:  The past week has been very nice.  Its been like a honeymoon period.  Still is.  I went to therapy last Monday and it helped me clarify some things for myself and well even for our relationship.  Kind of set up a plan of action for us to get back on track with things.  I even admit that I was becoming a bit obsessive with checking phone logs and feeling like anything out of his mouth was a damn lie.  I do still feel like that but its not as bad.  She helped me realize it was anxiety.  Anxiety and fear of things happening again.  I have to learn, I can only control me.  Since I have chosen to let him back I have to also forgive in actions, not just words.  Which means stop the obsessive bombarding of question over question... feeling like I am still not getting the truth.  Its only putting a road block on the healing process.  I guess in the end, I wanted to make sure I knew who this other woman was... I wanted to know every detail (truth is, what was knowing all of it going to accomplish?).  I know the truth is... its on him to fix himself and his behaviors so in the end it fixes us.  Of course I have my part to play, but it really boils down to him working on things.  So we have a plan and we'll see how it all goes.  I love me some him!

Weigh In for 10.16.11

Weigh-In:  209.8

Well I weighed myself yesterday morning... just didn't put it out here.  I'm down about 0.6 pounds.  Not bad considering.  But I've had a hard time concentrating on logging, eating anything and all that good stuff this past week.  Its just been a hard week on me emotionally.

No picture since I didn't feel like messing with anything.  Sorry ya'll.  I'll do that again next week.

In the meantime, after many hours on the phone with the husband... we are working on things.  He will be home tomorrow.  I go to therapy today, alone.  But the plan is to go together on the next visit.  We have to get us back to a good place again.  I love him with all of me.  I hope he can fulfill the words he's said.  As always, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.  So please pray for us and our family as a whole.

I appreciate the kind words from everyone. 

Much love.

Hiding Out...

Not due to weight loss issues... in fact, I haven't been eating much because of all the personal things happening. 

The deal is, my husband and I have separated and will most likely be heading for divorce.  Then again, its only been about a week since he left.  I guess I'm still holding out hope that things will be fixed.  That its only a temporary thing but then again, I almost feel like it is done.

I wanted to post something a few weeks ago when the problems really began, and I did.  Then I deleted it.  I was hurt.  He's done some messed up things.  But my heart wants to forgive him, while my mind says let him go.  We've been together for almost 5 years and been through a lot.  And I didn't marry him to just divorce him almost 2 years later.  We have a son together.  We built a family.  The whole thing is just very disappointing, embarrassing and me feeling like a total failure in yet another relationship.

I know in the end, I have done all I can to make things work.  I'm not perfect, nor have I ever believed I was.  But I do feel I really put my all into making things work.  And for whatever silly reason, I still want to.  Even after him hurting me big time.  Breaking trust and just being selfish. 

I watch these kids and their in just as much pain.  I just don't know what to do right now.  Its a very confusing, emotionally stressful time for me.

I hope things get better soon.  :(

Weigh In for 10.09.11

Weigh-In:  210.4

Well the scale has been going down each day.  Even with the horrible eating choices and taking steroids for my asthma.  Not sure how or maybe that was the one good thing I got for this past week.  Because this week has been hell for me.  I admit, I've been pretty down in the dumps due things happening in life lately.

So that is 1.4 pounds down for this week.  Bringing the total loss to 32.6 or 33 if you'd like to round up!    For whatever strange reason, I am up very early today on a Sunday.  I will probably go lay it back down in a few.  I haven't slept good at all in the past few days.  You would think with not feeling too well I would have.  But like everything else lately in life, even my sleep is off.  My asthma is still flaring up, even after taking the steroids.  I'm hitting my inhaler every day, at least 2-3 times per day.  At least my allergies seem to be under control, but being short of breath sucks!

As for my last fill... its still doing its job.  That is most likely part of the reason I'm losing.  Even with making crappy food choices, I am eating less.  At least I feel like I am.

LAST WEEK'S ACTIVITIES:  No exercising (in fact, I stayed home sick for two days).  Started the week out good with water but it just went downhill from that point.  And well food choices were poor, went over 2 days I think and the rest I stayed under.  But then again, if your not eating due to stress... thats easy.

THIS COMING WEEK'S GOALS:  Work on the stresses causing me to go off track.  I need to get these under control to control the rest.  The stresses are my triggers!  So in the meantime, stay with my original plan until I can check all off for one week:  Keep tracking food, stay under calorie goal each day, get in at least 72 oz of water and actually make an attempt at exercising this week.  

Here's hoping to a better week!

Not too good...

Things have been real tough lately for me.  For the past month, there have been relationship issues.  Enough for me to really consider if its worth being in it any more.  It has been VERY stressful for me.  Add in the work drama's and stress.  I don't understand why all of this is coming at me right now.  On top of it... I'm getting sick physically as well.

I just want chill.

TOM has come... just on time as I suspected last week.  I track my TOM and noticed I'm 20 days early.  My cycles have been off and taking longer to show up... and now its short.  Not sure what is happening with my body right now.

And with all this stress, I'm eating whatever at this point.  I'm not staying on track.  Its just been very hard.  The thing is, I'm not going over calories real bad... but I'm eating crap.  No nutritional value.  Emotional eating sucks!  The root of the problem is the emotions triggered by the stress.

Now I'm not sure what to do...

A through Z of Me

Taken from Fat In Suburbia.

A.  Age - 30

B.  Bed size - Queen

C.  Chore you dislike - Kitchen after the husband cooks and well I guess mainly all.

D.  Dogs - None; I'm a cat lady.

  

E.  Essential start to your day - Facebook check, Email check

F.  Favorite color - Green, then Purple or Black.

G.  Gold or silver - Silver, but I'm working on wearing more gold.

H.  Height - 5'2 1/2"

I.  Instruments you play(ed) - Nada.

J.  Job title - LTC Claims Examiner

K.  Kids - 2 sons (11 yrs and 2 yrs), 1 step-son (7 yrs) and 1 daughter (7 yrs)

L.  Live - Austin, Tx (suburb of Austin... called Cedar Park)

M.  Mom's name - Georgeanna

N.  Nicknames - None

O.  Overnight hospital stays - Birth for my kiddos and LapBand procedure.

P.  Pet peeves - People who put out false information on any subject and worse, who do it and don't investigate if its true or not.

Q. Quote from a movie - "I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do." - Smokey, from Friday.  ((NO! I don't smoke weed but its one of the funniest movies ever!))

R.  Righty or Lefty - Righty

S. Siblings - 1 sister (older) and 1 brother (older), I'm the baby.

T.  Time you wake up - 5:45am

U.  Underwear - Bikini and Hipsters... it needs to cover the booty, I hate wedgies!

V.  Vegetables you don't like - Used to be squash... not as bad as it used to be, Lima Beans, Brussel Sprouts, Black Eye Peas

W.  What makes you run late - Moving slow in the morning, I have a hard time waking up.  I admit, I usually barely just make it on time most places or typically late for other events that time isn't a major factor. Haha.

X.  X-rays you've had - Chest (for asthma), Right wrist (for carpel tunnel/tendinitis), Stomach (for lapband)... I think thats it.

Y.  Yummy food you make - Husband does the majority of cooking (Cajun/New Orleans style) but when I do cook... I'm good with my special spaghetti's (the kind that you use on a person to seduce them, hahaha) and I can hook up a layered dip with chips.

Z.  Zoo animal favorites - Giraffe's, Lions, Tigers... I guess Big Cats mainly.

Friends! How many of us have them?

After receiving an email from a friend I met via Myspace some years ago (and unfortunately have not met in person yet, SAD!).  It kind of made me think about the friends situation (in real life friends) recently.  Ohhh, how I can relate.

This kind has been an on-going issue for me.  I don't know if its something I've done myself as I've grown older or if the truth is, the friends I did gain and eventually lose along the way were lost because they needed to be.  After numerous years of holding onto relationships with other females, thinking we're good friends or BFF's... the truth is, we were not.  At least not on their side.  I had to let those go.  In the end, it makes me question myself.  Like was I good friend or am I being anti-social and isolating myself?  Who knows but truth is, I think some of the friends I let go... was for good reason, they were being bad friends and finally they stepped wayyyy over the friendship line and I had to let them go.  For my own sanity.

I've always been on the search for my BFF.  I don't know why.  I still want that with someone but I've come to terms that its okay if I don't have that.  I have some good friends.  But no one I call and talk to often or even tell about my daily life or problems.  Even the close friends I still have, I am horrible with connecting with.  I guess due to life, who knows.  I miss it though.  I want some girlfriends I can call on, go to, hang out with often.  Someone to relate to.  Its crazy to people who know me to find out that I have a sister, whom I am not close to, nor have a relationship with.  Its been like that forever.  I have no cousins or other family members nearby.  It does begin to feel isolating.

I do desire that... I do want to meet people.  But then I'm scared.  Scared they will judge me.  Scared I will never relate to them.  I'm trying to put myself out there more and meet people.  Like attending my oldest son's activities... but then there's the situation where all his friend's parents are at least 10 years older than me.  How do you relate?  Or the situation that we're the only inter-racial family with all these other white parents.  They really don't interact with us as well.  Its hard.

Then I work all the time.  And for the most part, I am not close to any of my co-workers that I have been working with for the past 3 years.  None.  I tried to get close but most of them are 10+ years older than me.  Hell some have kids my age.  So of course, I get talked to like I'm one of their kids or something.  Its frustrating.

How do you make friends as a grown adult?  I think I may go put an ad on Craiglist.... Haha...


On a side note >>> I did have someone I once called a "good" friend hit me up recently.  Well actually her husband did.  Problem is, I've never met him or even talked to him.  He asked for my phone number.  Usually I'm the type to get over things easily, listen to a person and forgive and move on.  But something I have changed as I am older... I can't just give in because the person decides they want to be friends with me again.  No... you hurt me, remember that.  So be a grown woman and if you want to know about ME, my kids and family, then hit me up and talk.  I'm always open to talking but I REFUSE to be the one step up when she did the wrong.

Holy Moly the Crap I ate!

Yes... you read that correct!  I ate a bunch of crap yesterday and did I stop?  Nope!  I just kept right on!  However I would like to say... it did taste oh so good. 

And yes, I did all this after my commitment post.  So it yet confirms my "interest" in losing weight.  Hahaha.  Yes, I'm not taking it as seriously as I maybe/probably should but oh well.  I messed up, next day... fix it.  I admit, I'm a freaking food addict and its a hard thing to let go since we do have to eat to survive. 

I have no problem saying I majorly jacked up my calorie intake yesterday.  So what lead to the major mess up?  Hmmm, first I got yelled out by a member's grown child.  Not good.  First, I hate talking to people over the phone or in person.  I hate customer service.  However, I do my best to assist/help those who call to understand how the policies work and fix any issues.  I'm never rude.  But something in me just does not take changes in tones of attitude much less over talking me or even screaming at me.  Here's the deal... the person had questions, I attempted to explain and answer these questions.  The information I was supplying, that person did not like because it of course would not cover expenses they had.  I understand the disappointment, but yelling at me does not help.  Had to transfer to the boss.  Hmmf.

That really messed me up.  Second time in almost a month I've been yelled at on the phone.  Can't take it!!

Then I feel like I can't breathe... Asthma related issues.  No more refills to get my emergency inhaler.  Call the doctor, have to go in and see them to get a prescription.  Greattttt... Took my lunch to see the doctor.  Got my prescription and an extra one for prednisone to open my airways.  YAY!  But on the way back to work, I seen Burger King.  I thought about that wonderful new commercial for the California Whopper.  You have no idea how much I love avocado and then bacon on it too.  OMG!  So I fell for it.  I even got a chocolate Oreo shake.  I ate half of each.  But once I seen the damn calories for each..... it ruined my day.  LOL.  And the joy from the meal.

Yes, the JOY!  Guilt came in.  I have to admit, only until recently have I really felt the guilt of eating bad.  Only until recently have I really looked at calories and felt the guilt of eating this horrible stuff.  I hated myself yesterday.  So what did I do to myself for being bad during lunch time >>> ate a bunch of BAD frozen food appetizers for dinner.  :)  Those Don Miguel Mini Tacos were sooooo good and the mini empanada's. 

So I totally killed the calorie intake for yesterday. 

Anywho......... onto to today.  Re-do!  And lots of water to rinse out all of the sodium I consumed yesterday.

Commit, Follow Through, etc

So I thought about the whole commitment to losing weight.  It brings me back to reading Ms. Fat in Suburbia's blog last week.  She said she's reading this book called 100 days of Weight loss.  She mentioned how it says are you interested in weight loss or are you committed.  It really had me thinking.  The truth is, I'm not committed... more so interested in.  That really has been my problem all along and well I admitted this back in July when I first started getting back on the wagon of weight loss.

Now yes, I am on a roll lately with losing about a pound or so a week.  But that just may be luck.  I'm not really putting my all into it.  I also know I have commitment issues anyways...... and add in that I'm a procrastinator.  But the weight loss journey is different.  Its not like I have a deadline for it, so procrastinating gets me know where on this subject.  I guess that's why I keep putting it off and not making it important in my life.

So where is my commitment in this, why can't I commit?  Fear of failure.  But I have to stop this cycle that I do.  I really want to lose weight.  You would think the desire for this would motivate me.  However, even I can admit I'm lazy.  Not a good quality at all.  I hate the fact that it requires so much effort and hard work to get results.  Haha.  Lazy mentality... but its actually me.  I guess its better to admit and learn to fix than to avoid and be in denial (since I've been doing the denial for so many years).

As I think back for the months of August and September, because I actually started in the beginning of August.  I did do the working out.  I did feel better.  So why not do this again?  I just gotta push myself to do it and not allow other things to interfere.  Other things like life.  Or actually other things like EXCUSES.  I do have to give credit though, I have changed a lot in the past two months and accomplished the following:

• Drinking water daily (I never did this, even post-op or pre-op)
• Tracking calories or food intake daily
• Eating breakfast daily (prior to surgery this was a habit I never did, always skipped)
• Working out for almost 3 weeks straight (thats major for me too, haha)
• Taking my vitamins everyday (or at least 5 days a week, even post-op)

So although I haven't totally committed to the weight loss journey, I can say I have semi-committed.  Does that count for something? :)

And by doing the list above... I have managed to lose some weight, probably more if I really put 100% in it.  But the biggest for me was seeing my cholesterol numbers go down for me.  Seeing that number this year go from 222 to 186 has changed my perspective some. 

Here's hoping (I mean will be) that October is better!

Weigh In for 10.02.11

Weigh-In:  211.8

So this sucks.  My scale this morning keeps going between 212.4 and 211.8.  I choose to go with the lowest since on Wednesday I weighed at the Dr's office 211.6.  So I'm down 0.8 pounds from last week, total of 31.2 pounds altogether.  What going on? Not sure. Especially after having a freakin fill, usually you lose after.  I don't know other than I can admit, since Wednesday... I have felt VERY bloated.  Plus my boobies are getting sore and that usually occurs right before I start my period.  At least a week before. So does TOM really matter?

Sorry if TMI... but I haven't had great things happening in the #2 department.  Backed up, lets just say that.  I finally drank some coffee at home with my agave sweetner (that usually gets things moving) and it did.  My stomach is still gurgling loud as ever over here.  But 211.8 is better than prior to the potty visit today.... I was 213.0 at first.  

Now I do admit, I ate a small slice of pizza from Pizza Hut last night (it was off the medium and I grabbed the smallest slice of the pizza) and had some boneless Honey BBQ wings from Pizza Hut as well.  But I ate good the rest of the day.  Hmm.  I don't know, my stomach is just feeling real messed up the past few days.

As for the new fill, I can feel the restriction... WAYYY more than I did before.  I attempted to eat one of my son's PB&J crackers and kind of had a moment where it hung up.  That sucked.  I definitely have to remember the Band Rules >>> eat slowly and chew up well.  I am getting full on less and its lasting for about 5-6 hours it seems.  I think next week I'm going to stop eating snacks in between meals during the day.  I think I was doing that before because I was feeling the urge to snack, not so much since the fill.  But then I have to figure out how to get high protein in.  After upping it some (after noticing how it helped another friend's loss pick up again), I've noticed its doing the same for me.  Maybe I will purchase some more of those OhYeah Shakes, they were good and had 32g's of protein for 14oz.

I do admit, I didn't work out at all this week.  Not even purposely walking.  Nada.  I just feel so tired every day.  Maybe its because I need a break from all of the OT I'm doing (plus the job is saying they will be cutting it this month, we'll see).  Or maybe its because I don't work out.  I know you get some extra energy from it.  I really have to put time aside for this.  But lets be real, I hate exercising.  Or more so I hate getting going to do it.  Its so nice just laying around on the couch.  Haha.  Geez, so lazy I know.

I'm trying to be committed to this.  Why is it so hard to stick to losing weight.  Ahhhh!

LAST WEEK'S ACTIVITIES:  Outside of the lack of exercise, I can say I did stay under calorie goal besides Monday.  Oops.  As for the water intake, didn't get in as much as I needed each day consistently.  

THIS COMING WEEK'S GOAL'S:  Stick to the original plan:  Keep tracking food, stay under calorie goal each day, get in at least 72 oz of water and actually make an attempt at exercising this week.