Saturday, October 15, 2011

Hiding Out...

Not due to weight loss issues... in fact, I haven't been eating much because of all the personal things happening. 

The deal is, my husband and I have separated and will most likely be heading for divorce.  Then again, its only been about a week since he left.  I guess I'm still holding out hope that things will be fixed.  That its only a temporary thing but then again, I almost feel like it is done.

I wanted to post something a few weeks ago when the problems really began, and I did.  Then I deleted it.  I was hurt.  He's done some messed up things.  But my heart wants to forgive him, while my mind says let him go.  We've been together for almost 5 years and been through a lot.  And I didn't marry him to just divorce him almost 2 years later.  We have a son together.  We built a family.  The whole thing is just very disappointing, embarrassing and me feeling like a total failure in yet another relationship.

I know in the end, I have done all I can to make things work.  I'm not perfect, nor have I ever believed I was.  But I do feel I really put my all into making things work.  And for whatever silly reason, I still want to.  Even after him hurting me big time.  Breaking trust and just being selfish. 

I watch these kids and their in just as much pain.  I just don't know what to do right now.  Its a very confusing, emotionally stressful time for me.

I hope things get better soon.  :(

6 comments:

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

I am so sorry you have been going through what you have. I wish I had words of wisdom or something that would make it all better but I don't. Just know what you deserve out of life and a relationship. If you guys can work it out then you do but if you can't you need to figure out how to move on. Your a very strong woman who I know will get through this. Its terrible to watch your children hurt, they just dont understand it and its not fair to them. You know i am here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on or vent too.

Lucy said...

This is my 1st time following you and I can't wait to get to know you better. I think being a failure is unwillingness to deal with and change any situation that puts in or those you love in a bad spot. It doesn't sound to me like you are a failure. I wish you the best of luck

speck said...

My heart goes out to you during this difficult time.

I wish I had words of wisdom but I don't.

You sound very logical. Keep following your intuition. Some times we don't understand things but when it's all said and done, we end up at a better place.(whatever that is to be)

:)

Sandra

Fat in Suburbia said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. BTDT and it's no fun. Hang in there. {{{HUG}}}

Ronnie said...

Never be embarrassed over a choice he made that's putting your marriage on hold, or possibly ending it. Some things are just out of your control.

Just try not to fall into old habits in this stressful time, it can make or break your journey!

I'll pray for you, sweetie. <3

Amanda said...

Ohh Honey, this is always a tough time for people! Please feel to vent as much as needed.