Thursday, October 6, 2011

Friends! How many of us have them?

After receiving an email from a friend I met via Myspace some years ago (and unfortunately have not met in person yet, SAD!).  It kind of made me think about the friends situation (in real life friends) recently.  Ohhh, how I can relate.

This kind has been an on-going issue for me.  I don't know if its something I've done myself as I've grown older or if the truth is, the friends I did gain and eventually lose along the way were lost because they needed to be.  After numerous years of holding onto relationships with other females, thinking we're good friends or BFF's... the truth is, we were not.  At least not on their side.  I had to let those go.  In the end, it makes me question myself.  Like was I good friend or am I being anti-social and isolating myself?  Who knows but truth is, I think some of the friends I let go... was for good reason, they were being bad friends and finally they stepped wayyyy over the friendship line and I had to let them go.  For my own sanity.

I've always been on the search for my BFF.  I don't know why.  I still want that with someone but I've come to terms that its okay if I don't have that.  I have some good friends.  But no one I call and talk to often or even tell about my daily life or problems.  Even the close friends I still have, I am horrible with connecting with.  I guess due to life, who knows.  I miss it though.  I want some girlfriends I can call on, go to, hang out with often.  Someone to relate to.  Its crazy to people who know me to find out that I have a sister, whom I am not close to, nor have a relationship with.  Its been like that forever.  I have no cousins or other family members nearby.  It does begin to feel isolating.

I do desire that... I do want to meet people.  But then I'm scared.  Scared they will judge me.  Scared I will never relate to them.  I'm trying to put myself out there more and meet people.  Like attending my oldest son's activities... but then there's the situation where all his friend's parents are at least 10 years older than me.  How do you relate?  Or the situation that we're the only inter-racial family with all these other white parents.  They really don't interact with us as well.  Its hard.

Then I work all the time.  And for the most part, I am not close to any of my co-workers that I have been working with for the past 3 years.  None.  I tried to get close but most of them are 10+ years older than me.  Hell some have kids my age.  So of course, I get talked to like I'm one of their kids or something.  Its frustrating.

How do you make friends as a grown adult?  I think I may go put an ad on Craiglist.... Haha...

On a side note >>> I did have someone I once called a "good" friend hit me up recently.  Well actually her husband did.  Problem is, I've never met him or even talked to him.  He asked for my phone number.  Usually I'm the type to get over things easily, listen to a person and forgive and move on.  But something I have changed as I am older... I can't just give in because the person decides they want to be friends with me again.  No... you hurt me, remember that.  So be a grown woman and if you want to know about ME, my kids and family, then hit me up and talk.  I'm always open to talking but I REFUSE to be the one step up when she did the wrong.


Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

I could of written the same post almost word to word! Craziness girl!

speck said...

"After numerous years of holding onto relationships with other females, thinking we're good friends or BFF's... the truth is, we were not."

I think this was really a great observation on your part.

I do have a few things to say about your post.

I have two really great friends who happen to be sisters. I've know them 40 years. Yes, that's right. 40 years. I thinking this is where you are saying, she's damn old!

I'm 47. I'm delusional sometimes and don't think I look it. Then I get a wake up call.(vanity is so bad lol)

Anyways, those girls have enriched my life and I am thankful that I have experienced what you are looking for.

Now, for the best part of my answer. lol JK

I'm 47. I have some friends who are 15yrs older than me and we have a lot of things in common. I have some friends who are 30-35 and I feel like I fit right in.

Open your horizons. Age doesn't matter. The person does.

I love really old people. lol Like an 80 yr old lady. Talk about wisdom and walking away feeling great.

And most importantly. Be yourself. I have to remind myself all the time. Not everyone will like you and that's ok. When you are yourself, you have nothing to lose.

Ok, Ann Landers is finished. Oops, you are probably to young to know who she is.....Mrs. Dr. Phil is finished. JK