So, Mr. Punk emails me today.......acting like he didn't just break up with me 3 days before. Like we're all good. I mean, does he not realize how deep he cut me? He's asking me questions about my weekend and what I did and how it was. Like he gives a fuck (he didn't ask these things beforehand), of course I gave him some short answers because whats it any of his business now. I'm hurt still, I mean I felt it coming on because we ain't seen much of each other and things been bad as hell between us (not due to me!). I'm cool with us not being together. I can't force a man to love me or be with me. I admit, I'm hurting somewhat from all this.
But damn! To actually think that I'm going to be all buddy buddy with your ass like we used to be...before crossing that friendship line. Especially 3 days after the fact? WTF? To think I'm going to reveal all my secrets or whats happening in my head to you now? I don't understand that. And what, to have it held against me somewhere down the line? I don't think so, he chose to let me go. He don't get to know whats happening in my life any more. He made that decision, not I. Hell you want to be friends with me, yet I can't even be a friend of yours here on myspace.........yeah, that makes sense.
I'm content with the fact that we will not be together. I'm dealing with that and I want to move on from all this bullshit that I've been dealing with regarding him for the past 4 1/2 months. I just don't understand how a man can think that a woman is going to be completely understanding and happy in a relationship where she's second? To think that the fact that he lied about his situation, she's going to continue trusting him....that a woman is NOT going to have some sort of insecurities. Worst part is he didn't even attempt to make it work...he just pulled back. Its only natural for a person to think there's more lies and deception involved.
If anything, I hope he finds happiness somewhere...and realizes what he's doing and been doing is wrong. Nothing good will come his way til he owns up to his mistakes and starts living the right way. I've asked for forgiveness for the part I played and prayed to the MAN above to take this man out of my heart and mind.......strange thing is I felt it, he wiped my tears when I was ready to break down yet again behind him. Its a work in progress...but I'm slowly lettin' go.
I asked him this evening to please stop contacting me for the sake of my emotions. I can't take the head games or pain anymore. Maybe one day we can be friends again, but right now it ain't happening.