Monday, March 5, 2007

No More of the Bullshit!

For my best of friends on here, I've been dealing with some shit for the past few months. Some may think its stupidity, others know the real deal. I'm not a dumb woman, but love and emotions can cause a lot of heartache and make your vision of reality and logic hazy.

I got involved with someone, I thought was single. I thought he was all mine and found out in December he was married. Not because he told me the truth after a year and a half of being friends and almost a year of talking and dating. No, I found out because I took it upon myself to get answers to things that made no sense. Yet, by that time I found myself in love with this man. To the point, that I reduced my self-worth and love to stay with this person. Going through the motions of knowing he's with his family...and listening to the bullshit he had to spit.

I've woken up to it, tried to leave him alone. Yet I found myself going back to him for some sort of reason. But today I realized, I can't do that to myself or even my children. Its them that are being affected the most, watching their mother cry behind a man who most likely never cries over me. Behind a man that is too selfish to see what he has. And I refuse to allow it to happen any more. No longer will I allow someone to treat me in a way that is demeaning to my charactor, my morals or values or my self-worth as a woman. I deserve so much more, someone that loves me as equally as I love them.

I've been praying to God to please help me gather the strength to leave this person alone and take him out of my life. He's opened my eyes and I'm so appreciative of the love and support he's given me through my familly and friends who are aware of this situation. I appreciate those of you, who stuck through this with me. Listening to me cry for the first time and watching me in all the agony that I was going through. Ya'll know I'm a strong person and to see me go through that, I know was heartbreaking. But with that strength ya'll helped build me up. I love all of ya'll.

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