A lil of everything:

So I went ahead and added a pic of my weight to the profile.  Thought it was a good idea on weigh in days, keeps me accountable to the reality of it all, because believe me...I could lie to people and myself by shaving off a pound or two.  I also got the idea from a blog I visit daily and was so happy to find again, In Weigh Over My Head. Definitely a very motivational person, and I love how real she keeps it.

Outside of that, I've been working really hard.  Kind of, the last two days I've had a hard time focusing on my work.  I really don't know how I manage to sit there for 10 1/2 hours and not get anything done.  But I guess its possible.  My mind just hasn't been in it this week.  I really need to learn to leave my phone alone, especially since I'm able to get on FB from it so easily. LOL.  Then I've managed to get back into Twitter.  I think its mainly because I'm bored.  You'd think I'd be using my time off to be more productive..........with I don't know maybe exercising or something.  Nope! I'm on the internets.  Go figure.


Then, I managed to get into it with friends somewhat.  I guess misunderstandings, that was real nice.  However, I apologized openly to people because well...I did act out before finding out the whole truth.  However, in the end, I still don't trust it.  Is something wrong with that?  I just don't trust anyone anymore.  I guess I need to remind myself that I can only control my feelings and thoughts.  I know a lot of people, well my IRL people think I feel nothing or don't care because I'm sooooo mean.  No, I care.  Its obvious, its on my freaking brain a lot more than they think.  I'm very vocal about how I feel and how a person hurts me.  I don't know why, I'd just rather get it out of my head.  Well, hopefully its all resolved anyways.  At least on my side.

Oh and David did Natalya's hair.......and she took this lovely photo, this is what I call the classic "Tamesha" pose.  She is definitely a character.  LOL.

So thats my lil' update so far.  As for the weight loss thing, I don't want to become obsessed with the scale.  I think that happened when I seen I wasn't losing....it pissed me off.  So I'm going to do my best not to let the scale numbers get to me, focus on what I've lost so far.......maintain and do my best in the mean time to beginning losing more.

Worst Week Yet...

So I willingly admit, this has been the worst week for me yet.  I started for one!  Ugggh.  Then, instead of losing or even maintaining, I gained. Yes, its 1 pound but it still means I wasn't doing something right.  And I admit I wasn't doing anything right this week.

I think I was just hyping myself up last week, which really sucks.  I want to do some things to start losing weight, like exercising.  I know thats the biggest one.  But how does a person do that with cold weather?  And then we're in this tiny apartment, there's barely any room in here.  Plus, this week I came back to work and did 15 hours of OT.  I wasn't getting home until after 7pm, eating late and then staying up late.  My whole week got thrown off.  Then throw in some fast food and high calorie drinks, like juice...pink lemonade, coffee with lots of cream and sugar.  Yeah, I didn't do good at all.  I didn't exercise and I didn't even really watch what I ate or drank.

I'm telling you, those calories are what got me.  Took in more than I could burn.  I need to get it together!  I'm very disappointed in myself.  I know the truth is, maybe from the beginning I had no intentions of doing any of those things I listed last week.  Then I feel like I'm eating everything as normal, like the fill didn't exist.  The feeling of restriction is gone.  Well, at least I have my next appointment on the 20th.  So hopefully that goes better.  But I know I need to get my ass in gear with exercising, thats the biggest factor in this.

Next week the weather is supposed to warm up, there should be no more room for excuses.  The biggest thing, I need to stick to water, I felt my body craving it this week and ignored the signs.  I need Julian now...to come kick my ass!

Getting into Gear...

So in a way, I think my blog is starting to turn into more of a weight loss blog but a mix of my personal life as well.  But in a way, its all wrapped together if you want to get down to it.  So if you ain't looking for weight loss info, inspiration or all that other stuff involving weight......oh well! 

And yes, I did get WLS (weight loss surgery).  I just want to make it clear to people, its not an easy way out.  I still have to work on my struggles with bad eating habits, struggles with food, struggles with keeping myself motivated to even exercise.  Because yes, even with a lap band, you still have to exercise.  There are rules to having this in, its not so simple in me just getting the surgery and "taa daaa!" all the weight comes off.  Its most effective with exercise and following some eating rules.  I have to admit, no one has openly stated to me anything negative about getting it.  But I wish they would, I would go straight off on a person.  LOL.

So outside of setting up my "wish list", which I think I will put to the side on here.  Basically, my goodies to get for myself for accomplishing my weight loss goals.  Because in the end of it all, it will benefit all areas of my life.  I'm going to start putting it down on here and try to update every day.  Heck, even if no one else is reading it but me.

I joined a group on BabyCenter for the new year, called Shape Up or Get Out Weight Loss.  Another way to keep myself accountable.  Plus they have weekly challenges, this week's......drink a gallon of water a day.  I admit, I can't do that. LOL.  I barely drink much as it is now.  I'm supposed to be drinking at least 64oz a day.  Well I should at least attempt it.  So now I feel bad for even going on there and talking myself out of it.  I'm going to attempt it, starting tomorrow.  Along with walking at work on my break.  I work a lot of hours at work, but I need to make the time to walk so this will jump start some activity until I can get into a gym and do more.  And do some Wii game play at home after I get off.  I love the bowling and it really has made me sore, if that don't tell you how out of shape I am......haha.

As for food, I've done so on my own...switched to eating only whole wheat.  Believe, that was a major thing.  I love white bread, rolls and white rice.  I eat some rice, brown of course but not like I used to.  I'm even drinking 2% milk, I used to drink whole milk.  And I haven't had sodas in almost 2 months because you basically can't with the band.  It can cause trapped gas and since you really can't burp with the band, I don't want to deal with that.  Now its just about making sure I eat something for all 3 meals and not skipping.  I have the bad habit of going for long periods of time without eating, then over doing it.  I really can't over do it now like I used to in the past.........I'm telling you I could eat 4 chilli cheese dogs at once.  Yes, I did on more than one occasion.  Another thing, stay away from the candies and sweets....so tempting when you work in an office environment.

So thats my plans this week.........to summarize my goals:

• Attempt the Weekly Challenge of drinking 1 gallon of water each day
• Walk during my breaks at work
• Wii Bowling at night (fun time w/ the kiddos)
• Stay away from all sweets and things that I know for sure are not good for me

Hope the rest of ya'll have a good week..........

I'm a total bum!

I realized, this is what I do whenever I don't have to work.  I get up whenever in the morning (if no plans).  Well now that I'm older I really don't sleep in much and even now...usually I work on a Saturday.  But outside of that, even when I get home.  I usually get in my pajama's or lay around the clothes and then vegg out on the couch or get comfy in my chair at the computer and get on the internets.  Yes, I said internets (thanks to Kidd Kraddick in the Morning).  I probably don't eat until 2-3 in the afternoon.  Yes, I can go that long w/ out food.  But my bad habit has always been over eating to make up for not eating earlier.  I can't do that with this Lap Band.  In fact, last night I managed to get stuck and had my very first vomiting episode......not a great experience.  Literally, I watched all of my food in this order >>> sweet potatoes, greens, and turkey come back up.  The stuff didn't go to my stomach either.  I got stuck because I ate too fast and didn't concentrate on how many bites.

So it came back to haunt me.......then after getting sick, I took some Tylenol since my stomach ached from that vomiting episode.  Believe, there is no real feeling of feeling "restricted".  But that made me more aware of how restricted I am after getting my fill on Tuesday.  Its time to seriously get rid of my bad eating habits, eating too fast, smaller bites and chewing it up well.  Otherwise, I'll get sick.  I hate throwing up, I mean really hate it.  I will do whatever to avoid it.

Then I haven't really used the Wii since last weekend, I guess I can blame some of it on being sick with allergies but at this point I'm still not feeling up to par.  But I know this is truly my every day thing if I'm not working.  Its nice and sunny out, however chilly as heck!  I would like to go out walking but I really can't because the allergies are messing with me, as well as my asthma.  I guess I'll do some Wii time today to make up for the lack of exercising.  I know it will help me in losing weight.

And if you noticed above, that was me talking and excusing my way out of it.......basically to myself.  Yeah, I caught that. Haha.

Time to kick my ass into gear!  I want to be down 60lbs by May 17th.  That is the half way point for my 1 year band anniversary.  I know I can do it.  I just actually have to do it.  Some one help?!  But I have been doing some researching online because truth is, I need a work out regime.  I wanted the Wii Fit but from reading reviews and other folks thoughts, I think I'm going for the EA Active for Wii.  I need something that is actually going to make me sweat and in the comfort of my living-room.  Then there is no more room for excuses, right?  And I'm going to check into those Sketcher's Shape Up's, not for getting my legs, thighs and butt looking wonderful, but I heard their good for walking in general.  Good for better posture and believe, as someone who is a big girl, my feet ache now from the improper foot support.

So here's my wish list:

• EA Active for Wii
• Sketchers Shape Up shoes
• Ipod or Shuffle (something for music)
• (maybe) a Treadmill
  

However, it all costs money...and it probably won't come until income tax refund time.  That's fine with me, not too far off.

Updated Pics, What's my true Weight Loss? & First Fill

But thats okay, I was going to blog but I put it off.  Then I was sick...and now I have time.  So I took pics last Sunday to show how much I've lost to those who don't see me everyday.  Plus the last set was right after surgery.  So here you go:

I think I've lost most of my weight so far in my face, neck, some in my arms, hips and legs.  Nothing for my mid-section but I guess that will come later.

So I started debating, at what point should I start counting weight loss?  Do I start from when I was first weighed back in September when I was doing my lap band consultation? Or do I start from surgery date?  Its basically a 5 pound difference.  And when I went to get my first fill this past Tuesday, True Results was using my weight at surgery.  I kind of want to keep on the same track as them but then again, why discount my 5 pound loss that most likely occurred during my 2 week pre-op diet.

So yes, I had my first fill.  I had been building myself up for it in the past week after hearing from my lap band buddy how horrible her first one went.  I mean, they basically couldn't find her port...they found out she had like 4.2 cc's in it already, then they added too much.  Which then lead to her not being able to swallow water or her own saliva.  She had a really scary experience.  But then again, she wanted to go aggressive because she thought she was eating everything in sight.  Truth is, I know she wasn't.  Truth is, I think she thought it was going to totally make that "hunger" feeling go away.  Like the "hunger" you see on Weight Watchers........he exists!  And I believe "he's the devil!", said in the voice of mama from the Water Boy.  Haha.  Kidding, its just so hard and tempting to curb that.

So first things first, I got weighed...and so happy to say that my scale at home matches the doctors office.  Thats so awesome!  So at least when I weigh here, I know its the right weight.  They put me on a table in the X-Ray room, with a pillow under my back.  I was so scared, I am not going to lie...I know that needle they use is long as hell because the hospital sent me home with one for some reason (like I'm going to do a fill on myself, wth?).  They gave me the option of using Novocain or nothing.  I said numb it up, just to be on the safe side.  Thats the only part that hurt, it was the same pain you might have in your gums at the dentist office but in my belly.  I covered my eyes and prepared.  Then she was done.  Haha.  That fast! Go figure, me being a giant baby.  She measured what I had, it was 3cc's and added 0.4 cc's.  So now I'm at 3.4.  I did my water drinking/swallowing test and it all went good.  Definitely a good experience for a first timer...

I plan on weighing myself once a week, on Saturday's.  I'll add that to my side menu......each week.  Thats about it for me on the weight thang!