Sunday, July 12, 2009

The REMINDER of where I'm at...

So last night, we went to my parents house to visit and eat. As well as have David cut my step-dad's hair. We also happened to get a visit from his bestfriend in Houston...and his wife. They came up here because her parents live here as well. And there was the reminder of what level of life we're on....and where their at. And the feeling of envy, which sucks! I hate feeling that way and its not their fault. I just hate feeling like I'm missing out and it don't help that David has been feeling down in the dumps about himself lately.

He can say he's fine but I see it.....he hates not being able to get clothes for himself so he can look nice when he wants. He hasn't cut his hair nor shaved in I couldn't tell you. He looks like a homeless man at this point. Yesterday, I told him he should meet up with his best friend since they were going downtown. Its not like he gets out and hangs w/ friends or even guy friends here. So why not? His reason, I have nothing to wear. It just makes me feel so bad. Like all the hardwork, all the things we're doing is for nothing at times. I understand, I'd love to be able to get my toes done and buy new clothes for me whenever. Or even the kids. It just sucks. I hate living like this as well. Not having the extra to throw around. Hell I don't even know how others do it and I know the reason his friend and his wife can is because they have no children. Its just them two.

I just wish he'd get out of this depressive thing he's in. I'm trying to stay out of it myself but damn. And I think its worse for him because he see's his brother and his wife and kids...and his other friends dressing nicely, going places or eating out often. But then I have to remind him, we really don't know how their living to have those things. Hell, I have to remind myself of that.

All I can hope for is it will get better. I know truth is...we can't complain. We're doing better this year than we did last year. I can only be grateful what God has given me. I think I need those reminders. We have been blessed, I just wonder how I can show him what blessings he has as well.

1 comment:

Monica said...

I know exactly what you are talking about, in the same situation as you!