Friday, September 14, 2007

Its been a long time comin’...

I'm having one of those days and I'm ready to just ball my freakin' eyes out. Mood swings, I'm 10 days late for my period....I could be pregnant, who knows at this moment. Me and my sweety been arguing today and thats makin' it worse. Its amazing how a few words can make a person re-think everything in their life. I realized in my moments of some people just are never there. You wonder, are they really your friend after all this? I mean I can't help but think those things. I wonder who I can rely on, but something has lit a fire beneath me to realize its only me I can rely on. I've thought this whole time, these people are my friends. Maybe because I want a close friend that I can connect to, someone I can turn to as family. I figure, I do my best to be available to my friends. I know I don't keep in contact all the time...but damn, I feel so lonely. I have no friends here.....I have no one but my kids and my sweety. But even then, he has his why don't I?

I do my best to think about the things people do for me and appreciate it. I try my best to be there to help them in their times of need. I just feel so let down at this moment. And maybe its just me over analyzing things. And its not one person in particular, but I think I just realized..........I have no real close friends. Outside of a few people. And maybe thats what I needed to realize.

Then dealing with things with David....I have no one to talk to, it just feels like that right now. I never talk about me and him to anyone, main reason because I know its for us to work out together but now its getting to that point where for some reason we ain't. I don't know what to do...its so frustrating. I don't have my one friend to confide in, to be there for me when I just need to cry and let it all out. Usually, if anything I can talk to my mom....usually I'd do that when I'd go pick up the kids but now I don't talk to her much anymore and maybe thats my fault. Maybe its the reality that I'm growing up...and on my own for real now. I don't know. Its just driving me crazy....all of this. I feel the urge to go back to this moment.

So tomorrow I'm going home to be around my family.........I doubt anyone care anyways.

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