Sunday, April 22, 2007

Long Time, No Blog

Well lets see, I've been stressing myself out for no apparent reason. Just letting things at the new job get to me. Not sure why either, its a job. Usually I'm not that type of person. I just learned things, the hard way. LMAO. Cause my ass is so stubborn and gotta see for myself. But hey, thats part of growing and maturing as an adult. I admit, I miss my old those who work for my old job, realize and be grateful for where you work. It could be worse elsewhere. LMAO. I'm saying my old job straight SPOILED US! Thats not saying the current one is totally bad, but I just know I'd prefer working for a smaller company than a bigger one any day. But I'm going to bare with it, do my job the best way possible and do what I gotta do. Handle my business.

Next, I got to spend two whole weeks with my baby girl. That girl is crazy! I swear she really is ADHD, hahaha. Literally bouncing off the walls, ask my girl Mo and her fam. They seen it. But she's a smart lil' girl. Everyone was surprised she just barely turned 3 years old. But thats just due to being around older kids all the time.

On another note, my daughter's father is getting on my nerves. Makes no damn sense. He wants us back together of course, we've been a part for 2 years now. I admit, I love the attention I get from him. I know he still wants me and sometimes I use that. Its mean as hell, but why not. He did a lot of horrible things to me. And I know that ain't right and I've been working on NOT doing certain things. I give him false hope, reality is...I don't want him, and I don't see myself with him. He's undependable, he's an idiot, I can't talk to him. He's very annoying and irritating most of the time. I don't know why I was even involved with him. But being young and naive, your blind to that shit. He's over here now (at my mom's), but he's really here for me. He never comes to see these kids unless I'm around. Damn shame!

Next, I've been really good...not talking to that one person at all. Emotionally things have improved a lot. I'm happy again not dealing with that drama. The only thing is, all the heartache in the past year has caused me to literally shut down emotionally. I know this and I feel it. I've met some cool people while being in Houston. Like Mr. D...he's an absolute sweetheart. I love chillin' with him, we get along great. Not sure if he wants more with me, sometimes it feels like it. But I'm not ready to be with anyone. I know I've built up these walls around me and can say I don't feel much for anyone. I don't want to be with anyone, I don't want to give myself again. I'm just chillin'.......I don't know how to describe it, like I want to feel again but its not coming out. Something is literally stopping the feelings. I have to admit, I've never had that happen before. Then there's other things happening in my life......only few know of and I highly doubt I'll put up here for the time being. I'll reveal it when the time is right to me.

Ugggh...just listening to Tony in there with the kids. He's so ignorant and ghetto. I have no patience for that bullshit. He's huggin' me now and as I type really makes my skin crawl. Just grosses me out....thank God he moved away. LMAO! I know, I'm hella mean. Like with all my other ex's....the thought of messing with them again just is disgusting. You get so infatuated with a person and then afterwards wonder what the hell was I thinking? Lol.

I'll be going home soon today, can't wait. When I'm at my mom's...just the loud yelling and noise gets to me. I can't take it. Has me ready to pull my hair out. The whole two weeks Nati was with me, I never really heard her cry...but soon as we get here, ONE DAY and she's ballin' her eyes out. I love my family but damn! Lol.

Anywho...thats things lately. No real drama, just a lil' bit of venting.

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