Sunday, June 28, 2009

Utter Chaos

Thats how my life feels lately. I know I'm not a dirty person, I like order...yet my house is always in complete chaos due to the mess. And I think that when I come home, it should be the calming place after a long day at work. Yet, every single day I come home to a freaking mess. It irritates the hell out of me. And for some reason, I just feel like its not my job to clean up other peoples messes. Considering there's a grown adult here all day long w/ these kids. He don't even make them pick up. Then he wonders why I come home and suddenly have the urge to bitch at him. Its rediculous to live this way. He's disgusting, how do you just leave shit on the floor...walk right over it like its not even there and not care? I need order....and now I'm realizing, I guess its all on me. I will have to lead by example because obviously the man here can't. It just sucks, I feel like I handle everything. I have to put order into everything. Like our pantry....I organized it, but he just pulls things out..leaves it on the counter or when he does put it up, its in the wrong spot. Same w/ our dishes in the cabinets. It makes me want to pull my hair out! Here's the thing, I am working 6 days a week...just to make sure the bills are covered. About 53 hours a week, so we're not struggling. I come home, I'm tired and yes...that means I don't feel like cleaning up after ya'll or coming home to a house that is a wreck. And the one day off, I admit...I don't want to do shit either.

I know my home is a representation of my life, and I know it shouldn't be like this. So how do I regain control? I guess it is on me, even with him in this house. Why is it all on me? I hate this, why can't he just see. Why do we have to live like this. I know our home is too small for it to get this dirty. I'm just ready to go crazy. I'm on a mission.

I need structure and I guess I have to be the BOSSMAN of our household since he's really not trying to take that role. Time to set up a cleaning routine, and time for me to stay on all those in this house to make sure its done. I hate having to play the Bitch and give out orders all the time. But I have no choice.


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