Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Phase IV: Full of Anger

So yesterday I cussed David out. After all that shit and thinking about stuff....why should I feel bad for things. Why should I let him turn it around on me like I did something wrong. I didn't. I've been good, yeah I've had my part in some things but things that are not major stuff. I could understand if I was out there running around fuckin' all these dudes or talking shit about him. About how he really wasn't looking for work much. But I didn't. I never once came at him that way. I talked to him like my other half and best whats going, what are you doing today...whats your plans? But he took it as me saying he was a bum or something. I never had that in my mind. However, what is one to think when a person could careless? Thats what he showed.

I just know I'm not going to put up with being treated like shit, like I did him so bad. I know I have stuff I need to work on relationship wise but it wasn't big stuff. I've been a good woman to him.

Outside of that...he's trying to munipulate me and my heartbreak to get out of paying child support. Hell, he wants to know why I'm going to do that and not give him a chance to do it on his own............HELLLO??? Did he miss the fact that he left his son before he's born....left all of us in a house not concerned if we had rent paid, electricity, food??? He even took 35.00 from me to put gas in his car to leave now he's concerned about his son? Fuck him! He's a selfish asshole, concerned about himself ONLY!!! I know he has money from unemployment......if he's really so concerned with helping, he'd still give something. But I know he won't. So you see, thats why we're going to court for child support.

Even at this point...and as I've thought about things, I'm not sure I want him there for the delivery. How strange......awkward would it be to have the man who just left you to clean up the entire yourself at 8 1/2 months pregnant. While he's been in another city.....doing what he wants, fucking other bitches and living his life stress free. But he wants to be in there like he's been there the whole time through the pregnancy......he left right when he was needed. But hey, his peace of mind and sanity was more important...because well, life was so horrible here. His life fell apart and now he has to get it together, how the hell are you going to get shit together for yourself if your not looking for work? Your busy with talking to ex-girlfriends, texting and talking to other muthafucka's all day. Ohhh but he ain't got no money.........what the fuck ever!! Had money to sure as hell get that cell phone cut back money to ride around in the car that I GOT YOU! Eh? Oh was that bad here. You had shit, but you fail to realize how well you had things. Or maybe everything he ever said was a lie to get what he wanted. Just another woman he used....

Just when I thought he was developing into a grown man...because thats what he claimed he was, he ran. Just like he did to all them other bitches he did over. Fact is, I ain't them other bitches. I ain't into being a best friend with you, you did me wrong.........VERY wrong. I have no room in my heart or life for someone like that. I'm a very loyal person, I would never have done him this way. Just leaving him out in the cold and worry about myself...children or not, for my self-satisfaction.

I'm not being selfish, I'm protecting my child from another self-absorbed man. Just another fuckin' Tony.....talked all that shit about him, but just like so many ways, I just had no clue. I know for a fact, I will be raising this child alone. He'll come around when he feels like now, come and go out of this lil' boy's life because David is more important than his own children.

And he can be pissed........until he realizes how wrong he was and apologizes for all of it....and actually feels remorseful, I want nothing to do with his sorry ass!

No comments: