Saturday, May 16, 2015

A little reflection

So I've had about (blank) number of stalls since surgery with regard to losing this weight.  And when going through these stalls, I realize I get really down and negative.  I don't tell others often how I feel, especially when its negative.  I just smile... and say a positive thing and keeping pushing.  But I realize that is also not good because then I'm not being accountable for some of my own decisions.

Weighed in last Sunday... I also have random weigh-ins lately.  If I don't like the number on the scale, I'm like... weigh tomorrow.
Just works for me.  Lol.  So I weighed and I'm at 178.4 lbs.  But you know how the scale goes... up and down a few depending on the time of the day.  I am a scale whore... I hate it but I can't help it.  Its so addicting.

So with that... I chose to go back over my numbers and see where I was 6 months ago, considering I am 6 months out from my surgery and I got to have my 6 month check up with my surgeon.

In total... I have lost 64 lbs. since re-starting my weight loss journey and the process of getting surgery back in September 2014.  Since surgery, I have lost 46 lbs.  My doctor said I've lost about 55% of my weight.  Its good considering I'm a revision.  However, if it was my first surgery, he would have wanted me to lose about 20 lbs more (so 84 lbs.) at the 6 month mark.  I wish I would have too.  Lol.  The good news is I have lost consistently.  He feels overall, I'm doing well.  However, I seem to be harder on myself than he is.  I chose to have my metabolism tested... since it seems I only lose if I'm eating less than 700 calories a day --- that was my theory.  However my metabolism is normal.  But the doctor agrees, if I really want to get to my ultimate goal of 157 lbs (which he set for me originally) then I need to really get out there and exercise but also drop my calories to 700 a day for about 5 days, then up them to no higher than 1100 for 3 days and start it all over again.  I go back to see him in mid-July.  I really want to be down to that 157 lbs. or lower --- not for him, but me.  Thats about 21 lbs.  I think its possible, I just have to get back to basics and truly exercise --- but making time for it is where I'm running into the problem.  I'm tired always --- and exercising doesn't help me.  Lol.  But I know my body is craving it.  Focus is what I need.

So I can do this!  But again... looking back, I realized I have gone from a size 22 in jeans to a size 14.  I have gone from a size 2xl in shirts to a large.  I even realized I have gone from a ring size of 8 to a size 6.  I feel better overall, I'm sure I'd be more tired if I was carrying all that weight around on me.  But looking at the numbers and doing that in 8 months of time... losing weight and changing some habits... because I have changed a lot of eating habits - but I do have cheats.  Lol.  I am proud of me.

I'm realizing... even with the stalls, my body is still putting in work and changing --- especially with how things fit.  These are things I've told others, but I need reminders too.  People tell me... your shrinking all the time... but my mind is not keeping up with it.  Some days I feel it and others I'm like... OMG, your so fat.  Ugh.  I hate how my brain is wired when it comes to my self image at times.  Loving yourself is hard work.

6 comments:

Tracey@bariatricfoodforlife.com said...

Honey, you are an amazing Mom, college student and you've lost 64 fucking pounds. Do you think that your standards may be too high? Just saying, you rock.
And damn it, I am always 10 pounds behind you. But I am awesome too and the scale DOES NOT DEFINE US.
I weighed in at 187 not that it matters,
Hugs,
Tracey

Bonnie said...

We are our harshest critics. I'm only 2 weeks out from freaking surgery and I'm already getting down about weigh ins. I wake up - feel good - feel thinner - step on the scale and don't lose what I think I should and then my whole day is shot. Sounds really stupid when I write it out loud. Before surgery I'd get discouraged and eat, but luckily I can't do that right now so soon out from surgery - but I know that down the road I won't have as much restriction. I've put my scale away - in my closet and back in the corner so I can't get to it easily - and am only going to weigh in on Fridays. You look beautiful and a size 14 is awesome in my book.

Manda said...

Yes! Glad you are in the 180's. I just feel like I should be further at times. And well I guess it is just me being hard on me.

Manda said...

Thank you Bonnie. Maybe I need to put the scar away too.

Manda said...
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