Saturday, May 16, 2015

A little reflection

So I've had about (blank) number of stalls since surgery with regard to losing this weight.  And when going through these stalls, I realize I get really down and negative.  I don't tell others often how I feel, especially when its negative.  I just smile... and say a positive thing and keeping pushing.  But I realize that is also not good because then I'm not being accountable for some of my own decisions.

Weighed in last Sunday... I also have random weigh-ins lately.  If I don't like the number on the scale, I'm like... weigh tomorrow.
Just works for me.  Lol.  So I weighed and I'm at 178.4 lbs.  But you know how the scale goes... up and down a few depending on the time of the day.  I am a scale whore... I hate it but I can't help it.  Its so addicting.

So with that... I chose to go back over my numbers and see where I was 6 months ago, considering I am 6 months out from my surgery and I got to have my 6 month check up with my surgeon.

In total... I have lost 64 lbs. since re-starting my weight loss journey and the process of getting surgery back in September 2014.  Since surgery, I have lost 46 lbs.  My doctor said I've lost about 55% of my weight.  Its good considering I'm a revision.  However, if it was my first surgery, he would have wanted me to lose about 20 lbs more (so 84 lbs.) at the 6 month mark.  I wish I would have too.  Lol.  The good news is I have lost consistently.  He feels overall, I'm doing well.  However, I seem to be harder on myself than he is.  I chose to have my metabolism tested... since it seems I only lose if I'm eating less than 700 calories a day --- that was my theory.  However my metabolism is normal.  But the doctor agrees, if I really want to get to my ultimate goal of 157 lbs (which he set for me originally) then I need to really get out there and exercise but also drop my calories to 700 a day for about 5 days, then up them to no higher than 1100 for 3 days and start it all over again.  I go back to see him in mid-July.  I really want to be down to that 157 lbs. or lower --- not for him, but me.  Thats about 21 lbs.  I think its possible, I just have to get back to basics and truly exercise --- but making time for it is where I'm running into the problem.  I'm tired always --- and exercising doesn't help me.  Lol.  But I know my body is craving it.  Focus is what I need.

So I can do this!  But again... looking back, I realized I have gone from a size 22 in jeans to a size 14.  I have gone from a size 2xl in shirts to a large.  I even realized I have gone from a ring size of 8 to a size 6.  I feel better overall, I'm sure I'd be more tired if I was carrying all that weight around on me.  But looking at the numbers and doing that in 8 months of time... losing weight and changing some habits... because I have changed a lot of eating habits - but I do have cheats.  Lol.  I am proud of me.

I'm realizing... even with the stalls, my body is still putting in work and changing --- especially with how things fit.  These are things I've told others, but I need reminders too.  People tell me... your shrinking all the time... but my mind is not keeping up with it.  Some days I feel it and others I'm like... OMG, your so fat.  Ugh.  I hate how my brain is wired when it comes to my self image at times.  Loving yourself is hard work.

6 comments: said...

Honey, you are an amazing Mom, college student and you've lost 64 fucking pounds. Do you think that your standards may be too high? Just saying, you rock.
And damn it, I am always 10 pounds behind you. But I am awesome too and the scale DOES NOT DEFINE US.
I weighed in at 187 not that it matters,

Bonnie said...

We are our harshest critics. I'm only 2 weeks out from freaking surgery and I'm already getting down about weigh ins. I wake up - feel good - feel thinner - step on the scale and don't lose what I think I should and then my whole day is shot. Sounds really stupid when I write it out loud. Before surgery I'd get discouraged and eat, but luckily I can't do that right now so soon out from surgery - but I know that down the road I won't have as much restriction. I've put my scale away - in my closet and back in the corner so I can't get to it easily - and am only going to weigh in on Fridays. You look beautiful and a size 14 is awesome in my book.

Manda said...

Yes! Glad you are in the 180's. I just feel like I should be further at times. And well I guess it is just me being hard on me.

Manda said...

Thank you Bonnie. Maybe I need to put the scar away too.

Manda said...
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Manda said...
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