I must admit, I have been so confused lately on a lot of things in my life. I'm not sure why either. I feel like I want all these changes but I don't know where to start.
And what changes... changes related to my weight, changes related to how I feel about myself lately. Changes related to the home front >>> like running a household and keeping our house organized and clean. Changes at work especially. I love my job, I do but then again its so frustrating working in the corporate field. I've been with my company for 5+ years and have not been able to be promoted in the last 3 years. The question remains in myself... is it me or is it the people in charge. That is part of the reason I returned to school and to finish my bachelors. It just sucks because I won't finish my bachelors degree until possibly May 2017. Which then has me mad at myself even more... for not finishing school earlier.
Maybe its a lot of the blame game internally that is getting me this way. Lately, I've wanted to just run away. I keep finding myself wanting to go out and experience life. WHY? Because I see others on Facebook getting too. That is another thing, maybe I need to take a Facebook break. I just feel so unattached to the people on there (although most are people I know in real life, family and "supposed" friends).
I just feel so all over the place...
And maybe that's why I feel I want this revision surgery. Fact <<< I know the surgery will NOT change my emotional ways on how I feel about food or even myself. Its like I know all the things that need to be done, I know what I need to do. Why can't I just do it! Add in, I see some people who lose the weight... and almost look down upon those of us still struggling. Don't think I don't blame myself over and over again... regarding the use of my Lap Band. I have a ton of self guilt for not using it to my advantage. However, I will be real and say.. this is the first real time I've attempted to lose weight. I have commitment issues overall in all areas of my life. I'm getting better with fulfilling what I'm doing, but prior to this WLS... I really never tried to lose weight. I did Weight Watchers........ 1 week, bought all the crap and never went back. Tried some Dr's weight loss program w/ pills....... didn't like how the pills made me feel, quit. Ever really tried working out? Lasted at most... 1-2 weeks.
So the reality is... is it worth getting a revision, can I commit to this decision and REALLY make it work? Maybe thats why I'm so confused. I don't want to be judged by people. People who say, "Oh, but I thought you already had surgery." I just want to shoot them the freakin' side eye... and be like... shut the hell up. And even as I read through past posts on here, I forgot what I went through the 1st year having this in. I couldn't effectively lose weight or get fills because of other medical things happening. Add in the sorry ass service provided by True Results. But somewhere along the route, I gave up on me.
I'm not happy right now... and I don't know where to start. Yeah... this post is all over the place. Lol.