Sunday, February 22, 2009


So this has been on my mind for a minute, I guess due to some situations with friends or foes recently. And it bothers me to have people think these things of me, at this moment. Especially those that I consider friends or have in the past. Those that I have tried to be the best friend possible to. I have been through lots of turmoil when it comes to relationships, ups and downs. I've learned from them too. I admit, I can be judgemental...but fact is, everyone is and to say your not...well, your full of it. But I know I've made changes over the years.....and for some, the ones that I fell out with because I didn't agree with things they were doing...well it seems still think that no matter what...I'm negative and thats all I'm trying to be towards them.

Yes, I am a blunt person. I say what is on my mind and what I feel. I think thats the best way to go about things...keep things open and honest so there's no room for misinterperations or miscommunication. I think on logic and to have someone tell me...."not everyone's logic is your logic", like I'm a dumbass and don't know this. Its obvious that not everyone thinks on my level, if that was the case........there wouldn't be a reason the bullshit exist in this world. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else but I know what I stand for and what I want in life. I know what I will or will not tolerate from people. I know I can be a bit harsh on people but thats because I care for them and I'm trying to look out for their best interest because I don't want to see them hurting later on down the road. Is that not what a friend is supposed to be? Maybe my standards for friendships or relationships are just too high for others to get.

I'm not a black and white kind of person, so I don't get why people assume...well she reacted this way when we fell out (just because they never understood why I said those things or what my real intentions were behind it in the first place), she's still this way today. I see gray and if they knew me so well.........they would see and understand why I said those things. I'm not about being negative or bringing others down, hell I feel like I'm more uplifting to people than anything. But I am about being real about things...and after awhile, after seeing someone do and make stupid decisions one after get sick of it. You know this person is better than this, so you speak up. Thats what I did, thats why we fell out. However, we made up...if I can let go of the fact that you chose to go the other route....then let go of thinking I'm trying to reprimand you for things you still do today and worse part is, these people are doing things they know in their heart isn't good for themselves because either A. they have mentioned it to me or B. Others have said it to them and their telling me. So who are you really mad at, me or yourself and your situation your in?

I know I am only in control of my feelings, emotions and how I let others make me feel. Don't put the blame on me, as if I made you feel this way...we as individuals have control over what we feel and how we let others affect us. I may say something you don't like.....but I move past it when people choose to do what they want. Their grown adults, I'm not trying to be anyone's mother and I know people are either going to take my advice or words and make use of them or they are not. Either way, I let it why can't these people let go of the animosity towards me, like I really did something to them.

I think thats what pisses me off the most. Yes, when I was younger...I was more confrontational...I raised my voice a lot. But that ain't me now, time changes people. Its still in me to be that way, no doubt...but I don't walk around like that. And if these people really knew me, they would know how quickly I can get mad and get over it. I ain't about grudges or revenge. I ain't about all that bullshit. I'm about saying what I feel...take it or leave it. I don't expect others to agree with it or feel that way either. If anything, I'm about dealing w/ the issue...making amends and moving on. I am not one to walk on eggshells. I've learned to pick my battles, whats worth saying something about and whats not. And if people noticed, I usually don't say shit about anything these days.

I'm at that point...if people can't handle that, then so be it. I am you want me to accept you for who you are, then accept me for me.

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