Help.

So as times get harder and believe, they are getting much harder for me at this point. We're doing real bad. Its my income only, during the time of year it sucks to depend on only one income. I hate this! I really do.......I hate going through this all over again. I don't know what to do. On top of it, we have a baby on the way. I got some things for the baby via my babyshower but definitely not what is needed for him. We had a bassinet that we took back due to it being recalled. My aunt got a crib and is supposed to be getting it together but I don't know when...we have no bedding for him. We don't even have a carseat to take him home in. I'm really stressing. As time is creeping up on us, he will be here any day. I don't know what to do. I just feel like crying all the time at this point.

Hell, I don't even have money to pay on my deductible to my doctor...however I have applied for Medicaid for pregnant women and for some reason its been held up. So I have no clue whats going on with that and I should have applied for it a long time ago but due to reasons and talks w/ my doctor was thinking I couldn't use Medicaid there. Figures, I talked to an idiot. I just hope it goes through soon. I got CCMS, but I"m still waiting for it to go through on when my mom will get paid for it. It probably won't happen until after the first of the year. I'm just so stressed.

Our rent is coming up......the light bill is due. I don't know what to do. I've already ruled out Christmas for the kids. If anything I will try to get something but its nothing major. It just sucks yet again! We went through this last year. Why are we dealing with this all over again??? I hate struggling and thats what it feels like we're doing ALL the time. I feel like its all on my shoulders yet again, but this time I'm pregnant. Ugggh!!!!!!!!!

Why does it have to be this way? I just want to have a good year during the holidays where I can be excited its the holiday's. My own birthday is coming up and its gonna suck. I'm used to that.

I just don't know what to do at this point. I wish we had more time. I'm ready to break down. So I'm searching for that inspiration, praying and asking God to assist here. I have no where to turn and I don't know what to do.....