A little reflection

So I've had about (blank) number of stalls since surgery with regard to losing this weight.  And when going through these stalls, I realize I get really down and negative.  I don't tell others often how I feel, especially when its negative.  I just smile... and say a positive thing and keeping pushing.  But I realize that is also not good because then I'm not being accountable for some of my own decisions.

Weighed in last Sunday... I also have random weigh-ins lately.  If I don't like the number on the scale, I'm like... weigh tomorrow.
Just works for me.  Lol.  So I weighed and I'm at 178.4 lbs.  But you know how the scale goes... up and down a few depending on the time of the day.  I am a scale whore... I hate it but I can't help it.  Its so addicting.

So with that... I chose to go back over my numbers and see where I was 6 months ago, considering I am 6 months out from my surgery and I got to have my 6 month check up with my surgeon.

In total... I have lost 64 lbs. since re-starting my weight loss journey and the process of getting surgery back in September 2014.  Since surgery, I have lost 46 lbs.  My doctor said I've lost about 55% of my weight.  Its good considering I'm a revision.  However, if it was my first surgery, he would have wanted me to lose about 20 lbs more (so 84 lbs.) at the 6 month mark.  I wish I would have too.  Lol.  The good news is I have lost consistently.  He feels overall, I'm doing well.  However, I seem to be harder on myself than he is.  I chose to have my metabolism tested... since it seems I only lose if I'm eating less than 700 calories a day --- that was my theory.  However my metabolism is normal.  But the doctor agrees, if I really want to get to my ultimate goal of 157 lbs (which he set for me originally) then I need to really get out there and exercise but also drop my calories to 700 a day for about 5 days, then up them to no higher than 1100 for 3 days and start it all over again.  I go back to see him in mid-July.  I really want to be down to that 157 lbs. or lower --- not for him, but me.  Thats about 21 lbs.  I think its possible, I just have to get back to basics and truly exercise --- but making time for it is where I'm running into the problem.  I'm tired always --- and exercising doesn't help me.  Lol.  But I know my body is craving it.  Focus is what I need.

So I can do this!  But again... looking back, I realized I have gone from a size 22 in jeans to a size 14.  I have gone from a size 2xl in shirts to a large.  I even realized I have gone from a ring size of 8 to a size 6.  I feel better overall, I'm sure I'd be more tired if I was carrying all that weight around on me.  But looking at the numbers and doing that in 8 months of time... losing weight and changing some habits... because I have changed a lot of eating habits - but I do have cheats.  Lol.  I am proud of me.

I'm realizing... even with the stalls, my body is still putting in work and changing --- especially with how things fit.  These are things I've told others, but I need reminders too.  People tell me... your shrinking all the time... but my mind is not keeping up with it.  Some days I feel it and others I'm like... OMG, your so fat.  Ugh.  I hate how my brain is wired when it comes to my self image at times.  Loving yourself is hard work.

Life Happens

First, let me show off my three kiddos.  I got some spring pictures done of them in the Bluebonnets here in Texas.  Its a Texas tradition I guess.  Lol.

Where have I been... I've been out of it lately.  Just super busy, back in the groove of school again - luckily its only about 4 more weeks and done for the summer.  The classes don't seem too bad.  I'm taking Quality in Healthcare Management (for my major) and Intro to Christian Ethics.  Interesting stuff.  After finishing these two classes, I will be officially classified as a Junior in college.  Kind of crazy to me.  I do want to know... I got straight A's this past semester, which has brought my overall GPA back up to 3.62.  That college algebra class last summer really dropped my GPA when I got a C in it.  I dread the thought of taking Intro. to Statistics and Micro/Macro Economics.  Hopefully I will do well when I sign up for them next year.

Personally, I was wrestling with the idea of renting a house... buying a house... what to do with our living situation.  Its so hard being a grown up.  We have lived in our four bedroom apartment for the past 5 years.  The kids are getting bigger and it seems like the space is getting smaller.  I mean, technically, our apartment is the size of a small house.  Its 1398 square feet.  But I need a house.  We really considered renting but I was too scared to pay up to $500 more a month in rent.  And in reality, why do that if we can save that money... and buy a house.  So we are currently in the process of getting into this program to get our credit scores where they need to be to qualify for a home mortgage.  Exciting times... I have prayed on this long and hard, we will buy our own home.  Even if its in the next year or two.  But I will make it happen.

As for the weight loss stuff... I'm in this weird stall thing.  I hit 179.8 --- and then my weight has been going up and down within 1-2 lbs.  I know I can do better with the eating and I know I should exercise seriously... but I'm constantly running out of time in the day.  I'm working a lot... more than 40 hours a week.  Class twice a week, then Naty has softball practice and games at least 3 times a week.  Then Aries... he's had doctor appointments lately for his shoulder.  I am always trying to squeeze things in.  Hopefully after school lets out for the kids, I can really get to walking and exercising.  I did realize when I was going back to my car one evening, after one of Naty's games... I jogged/ran to it... I wasn't out of breath and it wasn't so bad.  So I've actually had the urge to want to get moving.  Amazing how losing 62 lbs can change things in terms of working out.  I just need to push through this month...

Our family also just acquired a new pet... his name is Gumbeaux (like the mascot for the New Orleans Saints)... he's a cocker spaniel and such a cutie pie!  Maybe taking him for a walk will help me.  :)  Once I can take him out.  Lol.  He's almost 6 weeks old and needs his vaccinations before I can take him out.  So after next week, I take him to the vet then to get his first set of shots.

I'm sure he will keep my running around.  In fact he's already changed my routine... I wake automatically at 6am to get him out of his crate to potty in his pin on his puppy pads.  That might actually be a good time to do some work outs - at home? I dunno... I'm so lazy.  Lets be real, I hate exercising... how do others do it?  I wish I had the motivation, but I really don't.  If I could just do it at least 3 times a week, I'd be good.

Add in, I've been tired a lot lately... just running, running and more running.  Taking my vitamins, not helping.  I need a weekend of pure sleep.

So yeah... thats a little update.  I am hoping to really get into the 170's one day soon...... and keep pushing toward my ultimate goal of 157 lbs.  I gotta get my mind back into this.  Its such a hard fight.  And when life takes hold, its so much harder.