Christmas with Family...

Well we had a very blessed and wonderful day this Christmas.  Started the day at 7am, the kids woke us up of course.  Opened presents, they played with all their goodies.  One thing about this is I can say we were blessed this year to be able to afford to do it all on our own.  The last few years, we've needed help from other organizations.  And the fact that we were able to get the kids things they truly did want, I am happy.  I know its not about receiving and my children understand this.  Considering they usually get very minimal anyways.  Just the joy on their faces when they got the big thing they have been asking for all year!

Afterward, I did the unthinkable.....I cooked breakfast!  Haha.  If anyone knows me or the dynamics of my family.  I usually am not the cook for the family.  My husband does the majority of the cooking in our house.  So I cooked the family some cinnamon pancakes, eggs and bacon.  I even managed to get my oldest son to set the table for us all to eat at the table.  It was really nice and I could tell the kids appreciated it.  I think thats something we need to work on in general.  Eating around the table more.  Usually its the kids at the table and us in the living room (well the rooms are open to each other).  I think thats definitely something we'll work on doing more with this new year.  Another good thing is the family loved my breakfast.  I did eat some.  Yes, I managed to eat half of a pancake, one strip of bacon and a small portion of eggs.  Still not measuring.  I admit, I'm giving myself until the end of the year to start anew.

Next stop was my mama's house!  Hubby wanted to lay down after breakfast.....and managed to for about an hour.  While the rest of us were cleaning up and getting ready.  But we all made it out of the house.  It was o nice.  The fact is, this year there have been a lot of family issues!  Some including my sister having problems with drugs, having her children taken from the state and given to my mother.  Not seeing my oldest nephew now that he's hit the big 18 years old and then finding out he's having a baby.  Then my brother and his family moving to the Houston area.  So with all the family things happening this year, I am happy to say that somehow we were blessed to have everyone there.  And it was really nice.  No arguing.  Just love.  I had gifts for all the niece's and nephew's.  They opened their gifts.  I'm glad I was able to do for them as well. 

So after all, Christmas this year was a good ending to a bad year.  I thank you God for giving me this reminder that I am blessed to have my family in all of these other pitfalls of life this past year.  I truly appreciate my family and love them with all of my heart!  I am so happy I had yesterday with them!

Measure, measure, measure!

Bad beginning of the week.  Monday I went in to True Results, thinking I'd get another fill but truth is, I really didn't need one.  I'm probably at my green zone, at least thats the impression I left the nurse with.  Enough for her to say no fill.  I was screaming in my head, why?  Mainly because I know my insurance changes effective 1/1/2011, meaning a VERY high deductible to meet for the year and everything for the visits next year coming out of my pocket to meet it under a Health Savings Account plan.  Just ugly.

So here's what I was met with...I need to start measuring my food.  I admit, I've been "eye"ing it.  Thinking I could tell by sight.  As well as thinking that my stomach would tell me once its full.  WRONG!  I know thats wrong.  Fact is, I haven't been measuring since I got this thing.  I was depending on this band to do it all.  But fact remains, I can still eat breads, rice, cereals....basically whatever with very little problem.  The only good thing about the band is it has kept me off soda's for the past year.  Which is probably where I lost most of my weight.  But now I'm relying primarily on juice, tea, coffee.  Still not getting enough water in.  Still not exercising.  Just not following the rules of the lap band.

Here are the 10 Rules of the Lapband:

1. Eat only three small meals a day
2. Eat slowly and chew thoroughly (15-20 times a bite)
3. Stop eating as soon as you feel full
4. Do not drink while you are eating
5. Do not eat between meals
6. Eat only good quality food
7. Avoid fibrous food
8. Drink enough fluids during the day
9. Drink only low-calorie fluids  
10. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day 

So lets see...#1...broken, I eat maybe 1-2 times per day.  I always seem to skip breakfast because I'm not hungry.  And thats just been a habit since before the lap band.  #2...still have the bad habit of eating fast, thats when I end up having a stuck episode.  Just something I really need to re-focus on.  #3...yeah, broke that one too, plenty of times.  Its this thing in my head that says, just one more bite because of the taste or that damn "clear your plate" mentality.  #4...I'm good on this one, never do.  #5...its been hard lately with the holidays, but truth is, I need to learn to fight the temptation.  I need to prove I have more will power over this.  #6...yeah, not sure I've done this very well.  I admit I still have moments of going out to eat fast food, just not in the amounts I used to.  But I know if I finally kill this habit, it would make a huge difference!  #7...I'm sure I do avoid fibrous food.  Haha.  #8...This has been the hardest, drinking tons of water through out the day.  I have tried so hard to get this good habit in motion.  #9...broken, tons of times with cran-apple juice.  Which I know is not 100% juice, its just sugars but its so good!  Sugar is bad...I know.  #10...never do.

So seeing all this, I know I need to become familiar once again with the basic rules of the lap band.  Oh and measure EVERYTHING!  I know I'm not suppose to be eating more than a cup of food at one meal.  And I know "eye"ing it is definitely allowing me to overeat.  Which in turn, is defeating the purpose of this all.

Too bad they couldn't do something to switch off the stuff in our brain thats really causing all this.  Its so hard to change bad habits.

But after that visit on Monday and leaving crying......yes, crying.  I had no choice but to admit it is ME that is sabotaging myself.  Yes, a lot of bad things have happened this year.  But I can start over...so with 2010 ending, I'm throwing the old out and getting myself back in motion to losing the rest of this 100 lbs.

Long Time No See

Well its been awhile since I've posted.  Just so much happening in life.  I guess I really didn't feel like saying much on here.  I know I haven't been doing well with the weight loss thing.  Disappointing since my one year anniversary since the surgery came and went...and well I'm only at about a 30 pound weight loss.

Majority of the setbacks is myself.  And dealing with that fact hasn't been realize.  Considering I tend to beat myself up more than someone else would.  I did start getting fills done again in August.  I did two, but they were like baby ones because the nurse was afraid of how my stomach would act since it had been 5 months prior.  Truth is, I think the lack of fills is what also helped in stopping my progress.  I'm still not at my "green spot", but I'm almost there.  I had a new fill done the week of Thanksgiving and since then, its been working a lot better.

When I went back that day in November...she said I had gained 3 pounds between August & November.  But since getting the fill, I've lost the 3 pounds.  I'm going back for another fill this month...and hopefully this gets me to the "green" zone, then add in actual exercise and I should be on a kick start for getting to ONEDERLAND.  Whats that?  Getting my weight down to 100's.  I'm almost there...and I can't wait!

I also turned 30 this month.  Celebrated with bowling with a few friends.  Yet it was a depressing moment, I heard of Birthday Depression and I had just that.  Year 30 is a marker.  And most of the depression came from feeling lonely.  Lonely not in my relationship with my husband but not having female friends.  That best friend thing.  I hate that I have that...but I'm getting better about that feeling.  Overall, I know that I have a few great friends that always seem to come through.  Thats what counts.  That saying about you can only count your real number of friends on you hand, TRUE!  But I do have to say, it does appear the weight loss has helped.  I noticed in this picture of me bowling that I do look thinner than before.  Crazy!  I guess like hubby said, I have that "fat girl" mentality.  I wonder if that will ever go away.  Hmmm...

But thats a whole other story...........so here I go again on the re-start/revamp of my weight loss journey.  Along with all the other things going on in life!