Sunday, July 13, 2008

Missing: A Best Friend

So lots of thoughts have entered my mind about my friendships I hold. And some people don't understand how I can label my friendships with people in groups. But fact is, they are in groups and just because they don't openly admit, acknowledge they do it...fact is, its done. And to any of my friends who may read this, please don't get your feelings hurt as you read this...

First off, I know I'm not perfect and I know that I lack in the department of keeping in touch on a regular basis. I think I try my best though, even if its via email or IM. Sometimes I know I close myself off from other people or when invited somewhere I say "no" all the time. But I think its time for me to be open and honest about some of the feelings I have when it comes to friendships I have. And for those that know me well, you know I'm the type to keep it real rather than bottle it up. However, for some reason I've bottled these things up because I didn't want to hurt others feelings because I do care for people. I think the end result is I want a best friend and when I think about it, I really don't have that.

I have close friends, friends that I stay in contact with and update here and there. But I don't have a best friend. Someone that I talk to every day or even every other day. Someone I can call on when I'm a mad lunatic crying like a big ol' baby. Someone I can just go to their house w/ out calling and hang out for hours talking about stupid shit. Someone that knows me so well that I can just act stupidly goofy with. I'm close to people but not that close. And I realized recently the person I had as a best friend, I never gave that credit of being my best friend or acknowledged it. I miss her. She was there for a lot, there more so than any of my close friends. I officially apologize to you, if ever you read this. You were near and dear to me, I depended greatly on you and even may have pushed you somewhat far. I truly appreciate how you came into my life and how you were there through a lot of my good and bad times...more so than others. I miss you with all my heart, we were best friends. You walked that walk with me through my last pregnancy. You did a lot with me, all the times going to the movies, even w/ Nati in tow...scary movies of all things. LOL. I still get creept out by the zombie stuff. And the way we fell a part, I couldn't understand it. I felt so betrayed by the one person I never seen it coming from. And yes, I may have reacted badly...and even done the one thing I said I'd never do to you.....leave you alone since you had no one else here. I'm truly sorry for breaking that promise. I hope all is well with you...I just wish we could still talk to some degree.

I do wish nothing but the best for you, I wanted nothing but you to be happy. I hope you found that now.

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