Reflections of 2007

So I've been thinking about the past year and whats happened. Its crazy how in January you see it one way and it turns into a completely other direction. But I can't complain about this year, its been a very good year to me considering how things went the year before.

I just think at the beginning of the year, I was with this person that was a complete liar. I knew he was. Hell a month before that I found out he was married, and for a moment I was actually thinking I could believe what he said and try to make it work. Thank GOD! it didn't go any further. I had my feelings wrapped up in him. While he sat back and was trying to play me. The thing is, I was doing my own dirt because I knew he was a liar. So was it really dirt? I had my reasons, in the end I waited until he called it quits. I admit, from time to time...I think about the friendship we had. The reminders every time I see a freakin' Impala...but its all bad memories. Even going back to Austin to visit for Thanksgiving, it had me think of the shit I went through w/ this man. It brings back the hate and dislike I have for him. And realize, we didn't have a "real" friendship. It was built on lies. Definitely a life lesson, something that was hard but I'm glad I went through it.

Its funny because I never figured I'd move from Austin. Its like it hit me, I want to make some changes. Especially going through some drama w/ idiot people early on in the year outside of the married dude. I just knew I had been in Austin too long and it was time for a new start. I even managed to get two job offers before coming here. I knew then, this is where I should be. I was so scared it might be the wrong decision but it worked out. Yes, the job I initially took wasn't where I wanted to be but this entire year I've been blessed to NOT be w/ out work and go where I WANTED TO GO! I moved in my career because I chose to do it. Its the best feeling in the world to know I have those capalibilites. I realized how confident I am, how much I do have to offer when it comes to the knowledge I hold in my field. And believe, it took some time to get the courage up to make those bold steps.

The best part though, was meeting the love of my life. I know this person is the love of my life because things are so different in this relationship. I always said it, if you want a good lasting relationship with someone...you can't start it on some bullshit foundation. So many people, cheat or start talking to one another while this person's talking to or messing w/ this person. Its like our lives lined up at the right time. He was single, dating. So was I. I never thought that we would end up together. I just wanted to be single and chill. But we spent so much time together that it built into this. I've been completely faithful and he has to. Which is a first on both ends. Its like we compliment each other. Its real love. We've had some hard times, things that married couples deal with. Mainly because my mentality is set on....its US, not me or you. US! One unit working towards the same goal. Do you know how beautiful it is to have someone on the same page as you. That connection, that raw honesty with one another and not fear that they can't handle what your saying? That unconditional love.

At this point, I can say I am the happiest I've ever been. Times have been hard this year but at the end of the day...I have my family. I have my children and I have David. Its a wonderful thing, after longing for these things for so long...its happened.

Now I look forward to 2008, we will be getting married in October. Things are heading the right direction. I truly feel blessed at the end of the day, no matter what we're dealing w/ at the moment.............God has blessed us!

WTF?!

Could things get any worse? Times have been gettin' real hard for my family here. I'm the only one working at the moment and not because David don't want to. He's been out there looking and no luck yet. Its been getting real stressful. I'm doing my best to make ends meet. We're at the point where we have NO MONEY for food.........and barely enough for gas. Hell I'm barely making my car notes, and at this point I'm not even using my own car because the water pump is getting ready to go out on it. I've let my car insurance go...I've let my cell phone go. I'm sure enough my internet and cable will be gone next.

On top of it, I had to go sign my kids up for Christmas help here through the Salvation Army which I'm sure will be barely anything and whatever leftovers they have. I know it doesn't matter what they get for Christmas, but then again it does. Its not like I get them the most exstravagant gifts anyways. Thank God, my grandparents gave me a Christmas tree with ornaments otherwise we wouldn't even have a tree.

So this weekend I thought we would be okay enough to at least get some stockings and a skirt for the tree. Maybe pick up some in-expensive toys from the Family Dollar. Just something to put under there for the kids. To get things going. NOPE! Why? Because David decided to help his brother by keeping a pitbull here. A dog his brother has been claiming to come get for the past month and a half or so. I told him we shouldn't have that dog here because we can get a lease violation. Well, the dog got out.........and the office found out and now we have a lease violation with a fee of $100.00 and $10 every day until the dog is removed. This is all due with rent. We have rent...........but this extra $100? That was our money to get food.......get for the kids. And because his brother is a liar.....we have to scrap of what little money we have to pay for a dog that ain't even ours. Just trying to help people out. I don't understand it. I just knew it was a bad idea. This type of situation makes me not want to help NO ONE out! Who's paying for this? MY CHILDREN!

I'm so mad right now...........