Blah Blah Blahhhhh...

So after some days of feeling down... I think I've realized that the reason I'm feeling this stressed feeling is because I want to change so many things about me, the things I do day to day... not just healthwise, but my relationships.  Add in the aftermath of Christmas... and dealing with birthdays, lots of money going out of the bank and not enough coming in to cover all of it.  Yes!  I was freaking.  And yes, I was handling all of my stress with food. 

I do have to say... this is my first real attempt of being an active participant in losing weight.  And during this time I've been dealing with all the guilty feelings I have toward food now.  Prior to this.... straight denial.  I hate feeling like this regarding food, probably why I was in denial and why my clothes got smaller. 

I've also sort of realized I have no real goals, nothing truly keeping me accountable besides the scale and well I have to get things together.  Especially if I want to really fulfill the word of COMMIT I chose for this year.

A good thing that started at the New Year was that my company is now doing this Vitality Program.  Basically... it motivates you to be healthy... and live healthy with points that you can cash in on.  Right now, I really REALLY want this POLAR Heart Rate Monitor.  This thing costs over $100.00.  Thats a lot for me, but I know I need accurate numbers to stay accountable when it comes to calories burned, etc.  This is the thing I've been aching for and almost got... but put it back while at Academy the other night.  Then I sign up for this program through my job... and if I get to Platinum status with my points (which is 10,000) I can use those to get it!  Great idea to me... and if anything, true motivation.  So far with doing some online courses and educating myself on things more... I've earned 1325 points.  I think this is possible.  And you get points for exercise, or checking out/joining a gym, etc.  Even submitting preventative services to them.  And they have even more goodies on there to get. 

I think it boils down to me needing goals, small ones... and rewards.  So far... I have 90 days with the Vitality program to lose 13 pounds.  Definitely acheivable.  I'm going to think long and hard this weekend on these goals/rewards.... for the big long term goal.

Now back to my blah state of mind........ :)