Anxiety/Depression, New Challenge!

I can't focus for nothing at work.  I am VERY stressed out with finances at home (not sure why I keep freakin because we're okay for now).  I had a really bad day yesterday (I actually cried in front of a co-worker, I don't cry at work).  Usually I leave the crying for my shower.  I feel like I'm going crazy... seriously, I have a lot of anxiety and I'm not sure why.

Thats my biggest question right now, WHY am I feeling like this?  I just feel off. 

Add in that with all of this anxiety, it is really triggering me with making bad food choices.  Seriously!  I also get home and feel exhausted... that I don't want to do anything.  I wonder if this is depression and anxiety at the same time? Hmm.

I know my therapist mentioned getting something for it, but I figured I could handle it on my own.  Uggh!  Thats the other thing, I don't want to go to the doctor because I have a high deductible health plan and have not come close to meeting the deductible... so for me to get a prescription, it will cost the doctor visit.  FML!  You see all these worries going on with me?  [EDIT:  Called doc, spoke to the nurse and because I am seeing a therapist, I may be able to get my prescription without visiting the doctor in person **crosses fingers**]  [EDIT Again:  Doctor's office called, no visit needed... and their sending the prescription to the pharmacy, YAY!  I love my OB's office.]

Anywho... onto other things >> I will be doing this challenge with Trisha called Kickin' Kriss Kringle's Kookies in the Kooter Challenge.  The goal is to lose 20 lbs by January 1, 2012.  Now thats a hefty goal for me.  Technically, that is less than 2 months away.  I'm sure I can do this.  But I'm so scared of failing.  I also know I need something like this to keep me motivated and in the game of weight loss.  Plus I know its best to do weight loss in small increments..... and eventually I will get to where I need to be.  So I am going to do this!  So I plan on working on the graphic badge for the challenge this weekend (when I really have nothing else to do)... just been really tired and out of it (due to above, I believe) this past week.  Hoping it turns out good!  Lol.  The next steps to complete this major goal for me include the following:

• Getting a food scale (I found the BL food scale at Walmart for 19 bucks) and I need to start weighing my food, especially the dinner portions since that is where I usually mess my day up!
• No more guesstimating on food portions, be exact.
• Follow Lap Band rules.
• Sign up for E-Mealz website to get Menu Plans for dinners on the low-cal diet
• As for eating out, curb it to only once every 2 weeks & make wise food choices, as well as watch portions (take my handy TR measuring cup to make sure).
• No candy, cookies, cakes or any other sweets except on actual holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving) and on my Birthday (coming to you on December 5th!)
• Exercise at least 3 days per week and it must mean I actually sweat!

First weigh in counted will be this Sunday's since thats when I do my normal weigh-in's.  Lets see how this goes...

I can do this.  I know I can.

Also..... plans of Flag Football tournament this weekend and rollerskating with the kids (I haven't skated in years, hope my legs work right).