My 2nd Fill & Some Real Words

So yesterday I went for my 2nd fill on the band.  My stomach is still sore, I'm thinking she was a bit rough on me.  She told me to do a sit up like thing and was pressing on my port.  I didn't feel it because I got the Novocaine on it again.  But afterward, I felt sore and still do today.  Its bruised.  Other than that, I'm feeling good.  She added 1cc, so now I'm at 4.4cc's in my band.  I did the usual, drink some water in the lobby to make sure it goes down with no problems.  I can tell though that its swollen though.  So I'm still in my 24-hour for liquids only and then 24-hours of mushy, then regular diet again.

However, the real words...is the part where I asked the nurse, please tell me how I'm doing.  No one has yet to really say...your doing good or your doing bad with your weight loss.  They just keep telling me, well...we just need to get you to the green zone.  Okay?  Well where's the support on what to do?  I kind of feel lost in the wind on the direction to go.  Yes, I have the book.  And I've read it.  Yes, I've been online and reading.  Yet, I still feel lost on how much meat and how much of sides I should eat.  Does meat and sides mean the total for 1/2 cup to 1 cup of food at the time.  Its frustrating, feeling lost.  And I have to admit, in the past two weeks I've gone off on a binge of eating whatever I wanted.  That includes bread.  I admitted to the lady, I have ate 2 whole slices of pizza at once time.  And yes, it went down fine.  But I asked her and her response, do you want me to be honest.  Well yeah!  But I guess she's used to people asking and then they get pissed because its not what they want to hear.  However, she's doing with someone who likes to hear it like it is.  I need that.  Or else I allow myself to fall back into that lazy phase.  And well, thats what I've done for the past two weeks.  Excuses and laziness.  She told me, "no, your not doing good".  I was like wow, but it confirmed what I had been feeling.  But then she said, "well, its not as bad as you think.  Part of it is what your eating, but part is the bad and trying to get where you need for restriction because we're in the beginning and still trying to get you to that sweet spot".  She even said it, the hunger feeling will never completely go away.  I knew this.  But thats where my mind steps in and needs to say...stop!  I have been doing awful the past two weeks, so now its time to really get my ass in gear.  So here's my goals that the nurse set up:

• Lose 1.5 lbs per week
• Get a scale to weigh my food
• 3 oz of meat only and 1/4 cup of veggies at each meal
• Only 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of food per meal (this should be the meat and sides together)
• Measure food!
• Buy a toddler fork, mainly to make myself take smaller bites
• Take 20 minutes to eat a meal, whatever is left over throw out!
• If I feel full be for that, STOP!
• And of course, exercise at least 30 minutes day.

Simple steps....but I haven't been doing any of those things.  Its like I told her, I relapsed almost.  I was doing so well and then its like I didn't care.  Or I excused it.  I now have two measuring cups that were given to me by True Results.  One for home and one for work.  Just need a scale and really stick to measuring the food.  Heck, my lap band buddy bought me Tupperware to store the stuff in and help make it easier for me.  I have to plan it out, thats part of it if I want this to be successful.

Now it may seem like I am doing well because I've lost in total over 20lbs since.  I thought so too, but their counting from my surgery weight and I have only lost 18lbs since November 17th.  I guess that isn't as good as they hoped.  I also know that part of it is my water intake, I'm supposed to get at least 64oz.  So thats something I else I have to work on and it may curb the issue of eating more.  Oh and stay away from fast food!  She wasn't a mean nurse, just someone who is really trying to help me meet this goal of losing weight.  I need someone like that and she actually made me feel better. 

So in the meantime.........on to the next day for starting over.